Can't Go Back!
by PhOeNiXsToRm
Summary: NEW CH UP AU : Inu left Kag for Kik and broke her heart. Fast Fwd. bout 3 yrs. Kag is in colleg and friends w/ Sess maybe more. Inu is back and maybe wants her back. Trouble's brewing. Sess/Kag PLZ R n R. (Rating may go up with ch.)
1. Bubble Gum Pink

~Hey!~  
  
Thank you to all of the people that reviewed my last piece I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate it!  
  
^-^ Reviewers rock!  
  
I'm working on a longer piece right now too, but I refuse to post that until I have at least 5 chapters finished (don't question my insanity, just accept it as a natural part of life). Almost there though! I think its pretty cool so just be a bit patient, please . ^.^  
  
I just wrote this in the middle of the night to get it out of my system, and it's a bit different than my regular style, but I wanted to write an AU fic just to give it a shot.  
  
Just as a warning this I;m not taking this fic as seriously as my longer one, but I will update constantly IF I get reviews so PLEASE REVIEW PEOPLE!  
  
I'll even try to update it every other day for until I hit a certain chapter if people will review!  
  
I don't know weither or not to continue this fic so PLZ REVIEW!!!  
  
P.S. sort of a slow beginnig but tell me it your interested in it. I know you can't tell much of the future plot from this but still REVIEW!!! And tell me if its worth it to continue!  
  
Thank you VERY much for reading this! (  
  
I kno on my first I didn't put n e comment so I'm babbling a lot here to compensate sorry!  
  
Disclaimer~ Forgot to do this on the first one, but u guys all know that I don't own Inuyasha and co. right? Right? N e way. I don't own them, I don't even own my own eraser. So no suing me , I love you creater of Inuyasha (sorri cant spell you name)  
  
Bubble - Gum Pink  
  
  
  
Dressed in baggy overalls and a green well-fitting green T-shirt, the 19- yr. old girl sighed as she lugged the three bulky boxes up the stairs to her friend's new apartment.  
  
Stupidly, she had piled them one of top of another, so that she would have to make fewer trips up and down the stairs. Great idea in theory, not so great in practice.  
  
'How do I get myself conned into these things. I could have spent my weekend relaxing. Instead, here I am stuck helping him move in,' she thought to herself as she trudged up the steps barely able to see where she was going.  
  
'You volunteered, remember?' a rebellious part of her mind replied.  
  
'I couldn't let him try to do all of this by himself!' she retorted defensively.  
  
"Great now I'm talking to myself," she said with a roll of her eyes.  
  
Through a crack between the boxes, which were blocking most of her view, she saw a flash of white as her friend stepped out of the apartment, looking down upon her plight with obvious amusement.  
  
It was only then that she noticed that the reason she was having so much difficulty was that the boxes had managed to slip in her arms during her musings so that they were now half out of her arms, resting against the railing of the narrow staircase of the small two story apartment building, making it almost impossible for her to move.  
  
'Now, what am I supposed to do,' she thought, 'I'm trapped.'  
  
'That's what I get for trying to carry three boxes up at once,' groaned Kagome, as she glared at her golden-eyed friend, who appeared to be using his icy control in his struggle not to laugh.  
  
And losing miserably.  
  
"Oi!" she shouted, "This is your stuff you know! You could come down and help me carry it into your apartment."  
  
Sesshoumaru smirked before walking down and gracefully carrying all three troublesome boxes up the rest of the stairs and into his new apartment with his characteristic sangfroid.  
  
"Show off," huffed Kagome as she quickly followed.  
  
The apartment itself was amazing, and she could tell that Sesshoumaru was proud of it. It had one bedroom, a spacious living room, a bathroom, and kitchen. Though, not a mansion, it was still impressive for a graduate student working to get his MBA.  
  
Unfortunately, the reason the apartment was so cheap was that every wall in the apartment was painted a glaring bubble gum pink and not at all furnished.  
  
He refused to accept money from his father to buy the apartment, in favor of trying to earn it on his own. He had not wished to accept favors from his father since he had married that wench.  
  
Watching his swinging white hair, she couldn't help but feel her resentment die away and become replaced with the all-encompassing calm that she now associated with his presence.  
  
Kagome sighed as she looked around at the organized chaos that was Sesshoumaru's apartment.  
  
'It's going to be a loooong day,'  
  
Knowing Sesshoumaru, he had been here since six in the morning meticulously cleaning the apartment, and had just gotten the place decent enough to begin carrying his things in. He was very insistent on cleanliness and kept himself immaculate at all times.  
  
They were all piled in the center of the living room not to be unpacked until the painting was finished. He refused to live in a bubble gum pink apartment.  
  
Sesshoumaru entered and dumped the last of the boxes into neatly stacked pile that now took up most of the room and almost reached to ceiling.  
  
"Sesshou, I think there's a flaw in your plan," Kagome said as she looked upon the intimidating pile of boxes, "Exactly how do you plan on unpacking all of this stuff after we've finished painting?"  
  
'Damn.' Sesshoumaru thought as he regarded the dilemma. "We'll just have to take down this mountain of boxes." He coolly replied as he mental berated himself for not thinking of this sooner.  
  
"Well, it's a good thing that Sango and Miroku promised to stop by later and help," grumbled Kagome. She was not a morning person, and anything that forced her to wake up at 8 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday was automatically deemed evil.  
  
But.  
  
She knew that if she had not volunteered Sesshoumaru would have tried to do it all by himself, which was simply unacceptable. Luckily, while he might not prone to ask for help, he was smart enough to accept it when it was offered. He especially seemed to find it easier to swallow his great pride when it came to her.  
  
Tucking some of the stray hair that had managed to escape her messy bun behind her ear, she grabbed a large sheet and tossed it over the pile to ensure that none of the boxes would accidentally get paint on them. "Well, let's get started!" she stated with a one of her light-hearted smiles.  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~  
  
"Why do I have to go?" Inuyasha grumbled in a distinctly whiny tone as his father sent a warning glare towards his youngest son, "It's not like Sesshoumaru's going to even want me there. In case you haven't noticed we aren't exactly close.  
  
Inutaisho rolled his eyes, and replied, "Why is it that the two of you despise each other with such a passion?"  
  
He would never be able to understand why his two sons shared such a disliking for each other. True, their personalities were far from similar, but they were still family. 'Shouldn't that count for something?' Feeling the familiar beginnings of a headache, he remembered all of the arguments, most of which had ended with violence and injuries on both parties, and insuls. It had been this way for years, and it aggravated and exasperated him to no end.  
  
"Sesshoumaru is finally moving into a new apartment. Don't you want to see it and help? Besides this is a family event, we are all going. We've barely seen Sesshoumaru at all since he left for college."  
  
"Why would I want to see that cold, pompous, arrogant half-brother of mine?"  
  
Finally Inutaisho's limited patience snapped. "YOU WILL COME WITH US TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER! YOU WILL HELP HIM MOVE INTO HIS NEW APARTMENT! AND YOU WILL ENJOY! THIS IS A FAMILY EVENT! NO IF, ANDS, OR BUTS ABOUT IT! YOU ARE GOING INUYASHA SO GET INTO THAT CAR RIGHT NOW!" hollered the irate man.  
  
Inutaisho was a powerful and very successful businessman, owner of Fugio Enterprises. He was not a man to be toyed with or disobeyed.  
  
"Feh," replied Inuyasha intelligently as he joined his mother in the BMW. Inutaisho gave a satisfied grunt as he stepped into the driver's seat to go visit his son.  
  
A/N:: So, what did you think? REVIEW! PLZ. Btw I kno that they don't say Inu and Sess 's dad's name and that a lot of ppl use Inutaisho, which I think means dog demon boss or boss of dogs or somethings like that. 


	2. Paint Wars and New Arrivals!

Let me get this over with first.  
  
Disclaimer:: No, I think it's a bit obvious that I don't own Inuyasha, for god's sakes do I look like a Japanese manga author.  
  
A/N::  
  
Sorry, I know that I said that I wold update a bit sooner than this but I've had the week from hell, and only got the chance the write now. (I have the worst luck in the world, and my life sux) I'll just leave it at that  
  
Sorry, this chapter is a bit awkward, cuz I've hit like major writer's block, but its still trudging along.  
  
READ AND REVIEW PLZ!! Thank you for reading this. I'm SO happy. I got reviews ::hugs comp::  
  
PS a lotta this fic is gonna be flash backs I luv 'em  
  
UnChosen One :: I know that Sess is a lil OOC but that's mostly cuz I;m showing him as changed b/c of Kag. Thanks for your opinion tho. 3 reviews? ( Of course this will be a Sess/Kag, I love him. Tho I might be writing a inu/kag soon too.  
  
Shadow :: Thanks I;m glad that ur enjoying this fic. Thank you for reviewing too.  
  
Mala :: Don't worry I'll continue writing this fic. I'm glad you think that its interesting.  
  
Katzzartar :: Thanks for telling me. The name's fitting.  
  
HiaiHakusho :: Thank you!! You are soo sweet. I'm glad you like it!  
  
  
  
Paint War  
  
Flashing Sesshoumaru a bright smile, Kagome dipped her brush into the can of creamy white paint and started de-pinkify the walls of the apartment.  
  
'I never would have thought that I would be here actually friendly with and helping Sesshoumaru. It seems so long ago that we were barely on speaking terms.'  
  
* * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * *  
  
A young girl with a rumpled look about her raced through the halls of the intimidating college building, with a frantic look on her face.  
  
'I can't believe I overslept! The professor is going to kill me! How could I be late on my first day of classes! And in college!!!'  
  
She made a quick turn at the next corner, narrowly avoiding skidding into a wall, as she sprinted towards her class.  
  
Finally reaching the door, she paused and carefully cracked the door open to hear a deep voice lecturing inside already.  
  
Hoping to avoid attention, she quietly slipped in and took a seat in the back. Sighing in relief, Kagome sunk into her seat, mentally patting herself on the back for a disaster avoided. Reaching down to open her bag, she did not notice the sudden silence that fell over the room.  
  
Feeling a shudder of foreboding, Kagome looked up and found herself falling into two deep golden eyes that were colder than one would have thought possible for such a fiery color. With an audible gulp, she quickly glanced around the room to notice that everyone's attention was on her and the immaculate young man glaring down upon her.  
  
' He can't possibly be the professor. He's waaay too young, right?' she thought nervously as she glance up to be met once again by icy golden eyes that seemed to be waiting for her to speak.  
  
"Name." demanded the man in a hard tone that sounded oddly dangerous in his soft voice. He appeared to be only a few years older than herself, though his expression was completely masked and emotionless and he had a aura of power and maturity that most of her peers lacked. His features were deceivingly delicate and almost feminine in their sophistication, but his carriage left no doubt as to his true sex. Though his unusual waist-length white hair seemed to be finer than that of any girl. An icy, biting coldness seemed to radiate off of him, as well as disdain, and a touch of boredom, as if the world around him wasn't good enough for his presence.  
  
He was the definition of sangfroid.  
  
The intimidated Kagome mentally cringed, after all she was a freshman that had dared showed up late to class. However, this she was not about to let this cold-hearted, self-important little man think that he had frightened her  
  
"Higurashi Kagome", she replied meeting him eye for eye, and straightening her shoulders.  
  
One of his eyebrows quirked slightly as if to say that she had surprised him, though he remained as cool and collected as before. "Do not show up to this class late again, Higurashi. Punctuality is a must in this class," he said before he swept down the aisle back to the front of the room, breaking the tension that seemed to have settled over the room like a cloak. The entire class had been expecting carnage, and let out a communal sigh of relief, as Sesshoumaru strode back to the front of the room.  
  
* * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * *  
  
'Not exactly the best first impression to make. It took over a year and half to get through that icy exterior, but it was definitely worth it. He's different now I think. Like part of him has grown soft or at least stopped pushing away the world. Is it because of me?' she thought as she felt something cold and wet brush over her hand.  
  
"Sesshoumaru! Watch where you're painting!" She exclaimed as she looked down to see a white streak of paint now on the back of her hand.  
  
Sesshoumaru smirked back at her and continued to paint the wall beside her.  
  
Seeing his smirked, Kagome's temper flared.  
  
Taking her full brush, she swiped it across his cheek, creating a nice streak of paint on his immaculate face.  
  
Sesshoumaru turned to face her with a mischievous glint in his otherwise calm face. Smirking he retaliated with a swipe across her nose that led to a full-blown paint war.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Inutaisho pulled up to the parking lot outside of his son's apartment, looking around with faint approval. The area seemed nice and safe enough. Dragging a reluctant Inuyasha out of the door, and towards the apartment number that his son had given him the week before on the phone.  
  
Noticing that the door was slightly ajar he pushed it open, only to be met with one of the most shocking scenes in his entire life.  
  
His normally cold impassive son was laughing as a younger dark-haired woman pinned him to the ground with her knees, practically sitting on his stomach, attempting to swipe paint onto his already smudged face.  
  
Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru was fighting her off armed with a paintbrush in one hand and a roller in the other. Both were covered with paint, though it was not nearly as noticeable in Sesshoumaru's milky waist-length hair, which had managed to partially escape from its braid in the course of the fight.  
  
Kagome's bun had long since given up attempting to keep order in her hair, and it now fell to a glossy, slightly tangled river of midnight behind her back, marred with bits of white paint where Sesshoumaru had succeed in painting her.  
  
Inuyasha peeked out from his father's back, curious as to why he had suddenly stopped. And gaped at the scene before him.  
  
His Kagome was playfully fighting with his half brother on the ground. And he was LAUGHING!  
  
When he finally regained his ability to speak, he expressed himself with an eloquent, "WHAT THE F***!!!!"  
  
A/N: I know sorta a cliffie ::evil smirk:: Don't worry I'll update soon. IF you guys review. I kno I;m being evil and bribing you guys, but I never said that they had to be good reviews!  
  
Btw does n e one know how to change you profile? 


	3. Summer Rain

A/N ::  
  
My lord you people work fast! I got sooo many reviews ::hugs reviews:: that I knew you guys deserved an update.  
  
Though this is sorta short, sorry bout that. Don't worry. I'll try to update again tomorrow. IF you guys REVIEW !!!!  
  
::waves hands in front of her defensively and slowly backs away:: ^ _ ^  
  
Don't kill me!  
  
OMG MY COMP JUST CRASHED BUT BEING THE AMAZING SPECTACULAR PIECE OF MACHINERY IT IS IT SAVED THIS CH. WHICH I STUPIDLY FORGOT TO SAVE B4. ALL BOW DOWN TO PHOENIX'S AMAZING COMP!!!! OTHERWISE UNFORTUNATELY U GUYS WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN UR NEW CHAP FOR A WHILE!  
  
Though it did delete my reviewer responses but I can rewrite those!  
  
First, I realized that ff.net apparently for some stupid reason doesn't show my italics, so from now on blah blah means italics.  
  
And if you didn't know already  
  
"asdlfhsdlj" is speech 'adsgfwoeir' is thoughts  
  
Now onto the review responses. I can't believe that I got 21 reviews!!! ::jumps up and down squealing like a pig on speed:: Deep calming breathes. Deep calming breathes. Ok, I;m fine now! YAY!!! 21 Reviews!!!  
  
Momiji ~ LoLz, definetly an interesting turn of events. Np, I love updating when I get such nice reviews ::hint hint::  
  
shikome kido mi ~ Yeah, those fics annoy me too, and I'm trying to avoid doing that in this fic. Though I might want to mention that I was SEVERLY ill when I posted this, so I might have been delusional as well. Thanks for telling me how to change my profile its realli nice of you! ^_^ Don't worry, there will be loads of stuff happening in the present as well as stuff showing how their relationship changed.  
  
Junketsu ~ Errr. LoLz. I;m glad you like my story so much. Here's your update! Don't worry this won't be one of those heres-a-nice-plot-oops- suddenly-decide-to-stop-writing-and-leave-all-u-guys-hangin. With this much response I'll be sure to finish this story.  
  
HiaiHakusho ~ ^_^ I'm glad that I have such a loyal fan! Thanks for your feedback I appreciate it! You're so sweet.  
  
Pam ~ LoLz Don't worry I;m working on it I;m working on it! I have another EXTREMELY long and I think good fic on the way. It style is a bit diff than this one, but I think that you guys will still like it! But I won;'t post until I have 5 chappies done and these are long chappies. This fic is sorta like an in-betweener for me, but don't worry I;m working to get both out and updated. I;m glad you like my fics, its really nice of you. If you realli realli want I might post a teaser of my fic to come.  
  
Jadefeather ~ That's explained in this chappie. We all kno how possesive our lil hanyou is (Inu: Who are you calling little, wench/ Kag: SIT! Sorry, bout that Phoenix)  
  
Jack, Anon, Sakura, SpunkoLotus, Kago, Sith, ~ Thank you guys for reviewing. Sorry but I didn't have time to answer you all individually. U guys did want a fast update! Thanks for reviewing, and here is your update. Sorry, I'll try to avoid cliffies in the future but their sooo tempting! I'm glad you guys like the story.  
  
Ugh, these responses took longer than the fic. I think, n e way I didn't really have time to check this over for errors, so sorry if theres n e spelling or grammar mess ups! :: hold up peace sign::  
  
I'll try to update tomm! IF I GET REVIEWS! I love them!  
  
  
  
Summer Rain  
  
  
  
Last Time on Can't Go Back! ~ (When he finally regained his ability to speak, he expressed himself with an eloquent, "WHAT THE F***!!!!")  
  
Sesshoumaru and Kagome looked up from their positions on the ground; identical shocked expression decorating all of their faces.  
  
Sesshoumaru managed to collect himself in the space of a heartbeat. Quickly slipping back on his cold, emotionless mask and standing in one fluid motion, Sesshoumaru reached down to help drag up a still unnerved Kagome.  
  
Before the intruders could make another move Sesshoumaru was standing and striding towards the door, with a stunned Kagome following.  
  
Unlike Sesshoumaru, Kagome was blushing furiously, and still attempting to get her bearings.  
  
'INUYASHA!' she mentally screamed to herself 'What is he doing here?!?! I left that part of my life behind a long time ago! What is he doing here and who is that with him!?! This is so embarrassing'  
  
While Sesshoumaru was just as embarrassed as Kagome, possibly even more so for being caught acting so unusually, he had the self-presence not to reveal even a hint of his inner abashment in his cool demeanor as he confidentially walked to the door of his apartment.  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~  
  
'What was HIS Kagome doing sitting on top of his BROTHER in his apartment?!?!?!' Inuyasha mentally fumed as he saw Sesshoumaru stand and help a very surprised Kagome up.  
  
'But then again, she wasn't really HIS anymore, was she.'  
  
* * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A heavy summer rain was drenching everything in sight. It seemed oddly appropriate, as if the very sky was ripping open and crying.  
  
A 17-yr. old Kagome stood facing Inuyasha with her usually jovial eyes filled with sorrow. The pouring rain making it impossible to see the tears that were flowing down her crushed face.  
  
"Why?" she asked.  
  
Though, he could not give her an answer, at least not one that was worthy of her. He merely stood in front of her his amber eyes locked with hers locked, hoping that somehow they could explain or at least portray the apology that he couldn't.  
  
"I trusted you, Inuyasha. I gave you everything that I could! My heart and soul! I held nothing back from you! I was ALWAYS there for you, and I always trusted you! How could you betray me! You told me that you would protect me forever! Make sure that no one would ever hurt me again! But you never protected me from yourself! You betrayed me and broke my heart, Inuyasha!  
  
You broke my trust!"  
  
She screamed, her spirit broken.  
  
Inuyasha looked at her. His best friend, his now ex-girlfriend.  
  
She looked as if the world had tumbled down around her, crushing her spirit.  
  
This girl who had mended his broken heart, who had shown him a world of light and happiness that never would have been able to find otherwise, who always seemed to have a smile just for him even when the world did its worst to her.  
  
She had bared her soul to him, even given him her first kiss. She had stayed by his side even at his worst, when no one else would.  
  
And he had betrayed her.  
  
"Why?" she whispered. Her head hung down, letting her now soaking hair cover her face, so that he could no longer see her face.  
  
He whispered the phrase that he knew would make her understand. That would prove his betrayal of her. "I love her, Kagome. I love Kikyou."  
  
He saw her shoulder slump in defeat.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered, every word ringing with truth, before he turned and walked away, leaving a beaten Kagome behind him.  
  
* * * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * * * * *  
  
'She moved right after that. Her mom sent her to another boarding school after she found her crying in the shrine's well house and found out what happened. It's a miracle I got any of her friends to tell me that much. I never got to see her again.. What is she doing here now?!?!' thought Inuyasha, 'Somebody up there must really hate me'  
  
(^.^)(^.^) ~ (^.^)(^.^) ~ (^.^)(^.^)  
  
I saw that on another fic and I thought it was really cute, so from now on I'm gonna end my fics with it.  
  
See! No cliffie, well sorta no cliffie. Please Read and REVIEW!!!!!  
  
READ ~ I don't know that much about the school system in Japan, so I bases this upon the one in America, even though this fic is set in Japan. Sorry, minna-san, but I am an American. Besides I;m the omnipotent author and this is MY AU fic. I;m working under the assumption that Kagome's birthday is in the summer (even though I know that it isn't) and so she'd be 17 when she starts her senior yr in high school. And 18 when she started college. Sesshoumaru would be 23 or 4 in this fic.  
  
Btw I just realized that I spelled Pheonix wrong and that it was supposed to be Phoenix.  
  
Do you guys think that I should change it even though PhOeNiXsToRm looks worse than PhEoNiXsToRm?????  
  
I need your op!!!  
  
Shippou ~ Author no baka. You can't even spell your own name right,  
  
PhEoNiXsToRm/ PhOeNiXsToRm ~ Hey! It's confusing! Be nice!  
  
Shippou ~ Why should I you havn't even put me in your fic yet and I;m the cutest one in the group!  
  
PhEoNiXsToRm/ PhOeNiXsToRm ~ Calm down Calm down! You'll come in eventually! You can't rush these things *cough* stupid kitsune *cough*  
  
Shippou ~ OK, ::smiles adorably with puppy eyes::  
  
PhEoNiXsToRm/ PhOeNiXsToRm ~ Awww. ::grabs kitsune in crushing hug::  
  
Shippou ~ Can't. Breathe. Help. 


	4. Shadows of the Past

HEY! OMG sooo many nice reviews!!! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but man this is time consuming. I have a new sudden appreciation for all fan-fic authors.  
  
Especially ones who have to try to keep their grade up in all honors classes while at it.  
  
Sorry, but I;m pressed for time and it was either update tomm. Or reply to all the reviews and I had a feeling u'd rather have the chap.  
  
This is a pretty long chap to make up for the time lapse.  
  
To solve any confusion I might have caused, Sess is NOT Kagome's teacher. You know how a lot of college professors basically have their grad students and TA's teach their freshman classes. That's what happened there.  
  
38 REVIEW I LOVE U ALL! SORRI COULDN'T RESPOND!!! I'll respond next time.  
  
Ugh disclaimers suck n e way  
  
Disclaimer~ I don't own Inu-chan or the rest of the gang u annoyin lawyer xP  
  
Shadows of the Past  
  
Sesshoumaru strode to the front door with all of his normal reserve, nothing in his manner hinting at the embarrassing scene that his father and brother had walked in on.  
  
"Kagome, This is my father, Fugio InuTaisho, and my half brother, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru coolly introduced, spitting out the name Inuyasha as if it was a foul poison that had managed to worm its way into his mouth.  
  
Turning to face his family, he continued "Father, this is Higurashi Kagome."  
  
"NANI? H-h-h he's your BROTHER!" Kagome managed to choke out, when she had finally overcome part of her shock.  
  
"HALF-brother," corrected Sesshoumaru, his outwardly calm demeanor marred for an instant with irritation.  
  
"Yoroshiku ne, Kagome" Inutaisho greeted politely, noticing the awkward silence that was beginning to develop.  
  
Kagome's expressive eyes were still wide with shock, and her mind unable to form coherent thoughts.  
  
'Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod' her useless mind rambled while Kagome attempted to process what was happening.  
  
Quickly flashing Kagome a worried glance, Sesshoumaru noticed that her reaction was much worse than it should have been in such a situation.  
  
She may have been embarrassed and flustered, but there was no accounting for the pure shock and horror that was etched deeply into her eyes, or her prolonged silence, as if she weren't all there.  
  
Normally, she would have bounced right back into her usual cheerful self, but something was obviously seriously bothering, and he had a feeling it had to do with the arrival of his family.  
  
"Kagome," he said in his impassive voice, turning to fix her with his golden gaze softening slightly when it met her unfocused, almost panic- stricken eyes.  
  
"We seem to be running low on paint. Would you run to the hardware store and buy a few more cans?" he asked, clearly giving her an opportunity to run and collect her thoughts, as she so desperately needed to do.  
  
Snapping out of her memory-induced daze, Kagome quickly flashed Sesshoumaru a thankful smile and ran out the door, pushing past a confused Inutaisho and son and barely remembering to grab her bag on the way out.  
  
He couldn't help, but notice that she made sure to avoid touching his brother.  
  
Kagome flew down the stairs of the apartment building and into her car before she could even blink. The only coherent, if you could call it that, thought in her mind was to get as far away from that apartment as she could, and as quickly as she could.  
  
She had driven all the way to the hardware store before her conscious mind regained control, and she had left behind her fight-or-flight mode.  
  
She slumped in the drivers seat of her car, her head resting against the cool, black leather of the steering wheel, as her midnight hair pooled around her creating a shield between her and the rest of the world.  
  
Her shoulder sagged under the emotional barrage she had just suffered, and simply lay there for a moment, staring out at the passing people content with their lives. Sighing, she pushed back her hair, and leaned back into the seat, thinking over what she had just seen.  
  
'It doesn't make any sense. How can they be brothers? They don't even look alike,' she thought mentally comparing the two.  
  
Sesshoumaru's elegant, sophisticated beauty was nothing like Inuyasha's boyish good looks.  
  
The two were as different as day and night, literally, with Sesshoumaru's unusual pure white hair that almost seemed to almost glow and Inuyasha's unruly ebony locks that refused to stay in any tie and hung loosely down his back.  
  
Sesshoumaru was reserved, the epitome of calm, cold maturity where Inuyasha was outspoken and brash.  
  
Their eyes were the one feature that set them most apart, with Sesshoumaru's heated golden gaze completely unlike Inuyasha's roughish deep purple ones.  
  
'They don't even have the same family name,' complained Kagome until she remembered that Sesshoumaru used his mother's maiden name. Groaning mentally, she chided herself for forgetting, especially since he had given her an oddly lonely and hard look after that clearly stated that the subject was not to be questioned further, end. of. discussion.  
  
'I thought that I was finally moving on with a new life.  
  
'I thought that I was finally over him. But here I am hiding like a coward, running away from the past that's come back to bite me in the butt. Running away again . . . .  
  
'My life was finally getting back on track. I thought that I left him behind. But all he has to do is show up and I feel broken all over again.  
  
'I don't want to feel this broken again. Like everything inside of me. Everything that makes me Kagome is shattered and broken into a million pieces.  
  
'It still hurts. It still hurts so much.'  
  
* * * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A bright-faced Kagome ran along the pavement to the park holding her schoolbooks close as she raced through the park towards Inuyasha's tree. He always seemed to be sitting there whether sulking or just thinking. She pushed some of the hair that the damp air was making stick to her forehead out of her face.  
  
However, the sight that met her eyes when she got there was enough to shred her heart to tatters.  
  
Inuyasha was standing under the tree standing FAR too close to a dark- haired girl for comfort. A girl that wasn't Kagome.  
  
Stepping closer, but still not making her presence known, she watched as Inuyasha wrapped his arms around the girl and pulled her into a tight embrace. The girl silently tilted her face up to look into Inuyasha's eyes and the identity of the girl was confirmed.  
  
It was Kikyou.  
  
Part of her had known who it was as soon as she had seen them, the sixth sense that also told her when something disastrous was going to happen.  
  
But another part of her had held out hope, and it was that sick part of her that made her stay, standing silently and watching as her love held another, the pain in her chest making it difficult for her to breath.  
  
Wordlessly she watched as the two longingly gazed into each other eyes, the love evident in every movement and every breath.  
  
Their bodies seeming to fit perfectly together, completely content to just stand there holding each other. This was not some tryst to be forgiven and forgotten.  
  
It was love . . .  
  
And then she saw Kikyou rise slightly and press her lips lightly against Inuyasha's and his eyes softly flutter closed as he leaned into her warm lips.  
  
Feeling something wet trickle down her face, Kagome raised one trembling hand to her face and realized that she was crying. Not able to hold out any longer a single sob escaped her lips alerting the couple.  
  
Inuyasha's head snapped up and he met her eyes.  
  
'Why doesn't he look away!?!?!' her mind screamed, but her heart already knew the answer. His face was filled with sorrow and pity, but not shame. Not love for her.  
  
Not wanting to face this pain any longer, she ran. Blindly stumbling away from the lovers, tears coursing down her face, she ran. Not caring to where as long as she did not have to face them any longer.  
  
As if on cue, the skies split open and the rain whose threat had hung in the humid air all day poured down upon the sorrowful girl, as if in pity, washing the tears from her face only to have new ones form.  
  
Shortly after, she heard footsteps following her, not turning to the pitying face of her first love, she quickened her pace only to slip on the now damp ground in her haste and tear-blinded eyes.  
  
Bracing for the jarring hit, she closed her eyes awaiting the painful meeting with the dirt path.  
  
Only to have it never come, as a pair of strong, familiar arms caught her from behind. She felt herself instinctively melt into the comforting embrace she knew so well only to stiffen as she remembered what she had just seen.  
  
Looking up into Inuyasha's pitying eyes, she felt the pain overwhelm her as she wrenched herself from his grasp.  
  
"Why?" she asked, the one word flooded with all of her emotions and her betrayal as her haunting eyes locked with his.  
  
When he did not reply, merely staring into her eyes with that horrible pity and apology. She thought even hate would be better than the pity she saw in them.  
  
Finally, unable to stand the aching pressure within her any longer,  
  
She snapped.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sesshoumaru coldly glanced at his father and his miserable excuse for a brother after Kagome left the room, tensing as Kagome left the apartment.  
  
He was fuming inwardly that his family had caught him in such a compromising situation with Kagome.  
  
Especially, when he had actually been enjoying himself.  
  
He gave a mental sigh, letting none of his frustrations mar his icy demeanor.  
  
When had she changed him so much, he would never have even considered such behavior before he met her, and certainly would not have publicly acted so warmly or at least warmly for him, towards her when his family interrupted.  
  
Eyeing the emotions that ran across his father and brothers faces with amusement and curiosity, in Inuyasha's case, he wondered why Kagome had reacted the way that she did.  
  
She had seemed horrified and pained after the initial shock had worn away. He had seen the way she had stared at his brother, as if he was a trusted childhood teddy bear that had just stabbed her in the back, literally.  
  
Sesshoumaru knew her well enough to know that she needed time on her own to think things out, and sent her out to collect herself, knowing full well that there were still 6 cans of paint in his bedroom.  
  
  
  
His brother's reaction was even more difficult to understand.  
  
The shock was simple enough to understand, he had not seen Sesshoumaru in many years, nor seen the changes that Kagome had wrought to icy walls that surrounded his heart.  
  
His behavior had been extremely out of character, and would seem even more so to his ignorant brother.  
  
The possessive anger that quickly replaced that shock was far more interesting and perplexing.  
  
To his knowledge, Kagome had never known his brother. Though they did not discuss every aspect of their pasts, Sesshoumaru felt that he did know the girl well enough to know if she had met his bastard brother.  
  
But if they had never met that possessive spark in Inuyasha's eyes that clearly screamed, "MINE!" would be completely unexplainable.  
  
The regretful sorrow that he saw soon after and the confusion that had quickly followed baffled him even more.  
  
He knew that he would have to question Kagome about her relation with his brother, but the pained sorrowful look in her eyes warned him away from the topic.  
  
At least until they were alone.  
  
That sadness did not belong in her bright eyes, and he was illogically determined to keep it from touching her life ever again. She was a creature of light never to be diminished by the shadows of sorrow and pain.  
  
Not if he had anything to do about it.  
  
A/N:: There finally done! Hope you like it READ AND REVIEW!!!! 


	5. Mother's Memories

Hey! Ok sorry about the delay, but this is a REALLi good chapter in my opinion tho there is not that much sess/kag going on. I've been sorta busy so unable to update.  
  
OMG, I;m so happy I can't believe that Ive gotten sooo many reviews!! ( 57 Reviews YAY!!!  
  
Glad you guys like how I describe things! REVIEWER ROCK!!  
  
^_^  
  
FROM NOW ON I WILL ONLY RESPOND TO REVIEWS IF ASKED TO!!!! Sorry, but I don't have time to constantly update AND reply, and its getting bad.  
  
Mother's Memories  
  
Last time on Can't Go Back~ (Not if he had anything to do about it.)  
  
Noticing the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the room, Fugio Inutaisho cleared his throat casting a questioning look on his eldest son.  
  
"Who was that Sesshoumaru? Your girlfriend?" he asked the amusement evident in his voice.  
  
With a cool glance at his younger brother, Sesshoumaru faced his father with his normal impervious coat of ice.  
  
"She is merely an acquaintance from school," he replied every word dropping the temperature in the room several degrees and indicating that the subject was CLOSED.  
  
Inutaisho watched as the almost warm innocence that his son had displayed earlier with that Kagome girl was frozen over with Sesshoumaru's normal icy mask.  
  
'Somehow that girl's managed to get under Sesshoumaru's skin, and even done the impossible and changed him a little bit. Well, this is very interesting,' he thought as he studied his son, 'he's always been so serious, adult, and cold, as if he was trying to shut the world out, but apparently he's let that girl in. I haven't seen him so playful since he was a little boy.  
  
Since my betrayal . . .  
  
Since his mother died . . .'  
  
He mentally sighed as he remembered watching his once warm and loving son retreat into himself building walls of ice around his heart.  
  
'I hope he has the sense to keep her around long enough to change him for good, and bring back a bit of the little boy that was buried when his mother died.'  
  
"She was very pretty," he commented with a knowing smile, hoping to give his stubborn son a subtle hint. Seeing Sesshoumaru's nonchalant glance and lack of response, Inutaisho smirked at his son's seemingly indifferent attitude.  
  
"I'm going down to the car to get Sakura," he said before he quickly left the room, leaving the two brothers alone.  
  
After a full ten minutes of glaring on Inuyasha's part and disinterested silence on Sesshoumaru's, Inuyasha finally snapped, "What is Kagome to you!?!"  
  
(A/N: I could be REALLY evil and leave you guys hanging here, but I value my life so on with the show)  
  
"What does it matter to you?" Sesshoumaru coolly inquired while studying the swirl of emotions that played across his brother's face in swift succession, trying to interpret the cause behind them with little success.  
  
Trying to control the urge to throttle his emotionless, marble statue of a brother, Inuyasha merely glared in response, the full force of his anger shown through his violet eyes still not managing to affect Sesshoumaru's impassive mask.  
  
The tension between the two was a pulsating, tangible pressure that weighed down the air in the room making it difficult to breathe. Though Sesshoumaru gave no hint that it was affecting him, merely looking down upon Inuyasha with that hard, cold golden stare as if he were nothing but vermin that had dared to enter his home and challenge him.  
  
Just when the Inuyasha seemed ready to snap under the tension and punch Sesshoumaru in the jaw, Inutaisho returned his arms full of bits and odds of furniture, with a woman, who appeared to be in her late thirties following.  
  
Bearing a remarkable resemblance to Inuyasha, the woman had her waist- length jet-black hair in an ornate chignon and kind, deep purple, almost indigo, eyes that sparkled with life. Her smile was a quiet, gentle one, unobtrusive and not comparatively remarkable, but comfortable enough that someone could spend the rest of his life staring at it.  
  
"We heard that your apartment didn't come furnished, so we thought that we would bring some things that were just laying around the house," Sakura said sweetly, breaking the tension as she glanced between her son and stepson.  
  
"That was unnecessary," coolly replied Sesshoumaru as he took the boxes from his father's arms and deposited them in the now enormous pile of boxes that was dominating the center of the room.  
  
Sakura reflexively winced at his cold tone, slightly hurt by his frigid stoicism, but quickly brushed off his icy, unthankful reaction, used to his ways.  
  
'I know that I can never replace his mother, but I have the feeling that he still blames me for taking her place in his family.  
  
He's never let me in; always so cold and distant, the only thing keeping him from ignoring me completely is his respect for his father.  
  
I know that I will never have that respect from him.  
  
He will never accept me as part of his family, the memories of his mother will always be more real to him than I am,' she thought with a resignation and sorrow, watching as they continued to transfer the furniture that she had bought for him into the apartment.  
  
Surveying the now significantly larger pile in the center of the room, Sesshoumaru mentally calculated just exactly how much furniture that was just lying around his family had brought him. While he knew that his family was wealthy, he was not so foolish as to believe that they had an extra couch, kitchen table, coffee table, bookshelf, bed, set of three chairs, television, and ottoman simply lying around.  
  
'So,' Sesshoumaru mused, 'does she really believe that I, Sesshoumaru, would not see past her obvious lie. She knows that I would not accept her charity.'  
  
Seeing the ulterior motive that he knew had to be there, he thought, 'Can she truly be as foolish as to believe that I will be bribed by these trifles?  
  
I will never accept her as my mother.'  
  
(A/N:: I originally had something cooler and longer and better thought out written but my comp crashed again ::sweat drop:: and now I'm mad and can't remember, sorry, the beginning part of the flashback was gone too ::argh::)  
  
* * * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * *  
  
A young boy about four years old laughed as he ran up the grassy hill, long snow-white hair trailing behind him, into his mother's arms.  
  
The woman was stunning in every way.  
  
Her vivacious sage-colored eyes sparkled with life and exuberance, revealing a personality that reveled in simply living life. Her delicate features, which contained a grace and sophistication that was rare in the modern day, were almost identical to those of her son, though his were softened by childhood to look even more innocent.  
  
His coloration might come from his father, but his face was hers.  
  
Her lithe athletic form was well proportioned, and promised a healthy future, not containing the same delicacy as her face suggested.  
  
But there was something forceful about her, a passionate thirst to conquer life and all the world. That rejoiced in everything about life, and sought to teach her son that same joy. Underneath her graceful beauty lay a strength, and an iron will.  
  
As she gathered her son into her lap, every movement showed a warm, mother's love, fiercely protective, and caring and gentle at the same time. Her family was the center of her world, and her son the center of her family, and he knew it, basking in the attention and warm security of his childhood like grass soaking in sunshine.  
  
Sesshoumaru turned and favored his mother with a bright smile, full of childhood's innocence. His large, expressive amber eyes, which took up far too much space on his small almost feminine face, shining with a simple contentment to be in her arms as he toyed with the pendant that hung on her neck.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * End Flash back * * * * * * * *  
  
No, he would never betray his mother's memory that way . . .  
  
(^.^)-'--,--'--@ @--,---'---,-(^.^)  
  
A/N:: SO what do you guys think?!?! READ AND REVIEW PLZ!!!! I want to try and get up to 60!! ^_^  
  
IF I get enough reviews I'll even update with a nice new chappie Sunday! ^_^  
  
Btw remember the necklace (pendant) I'll prob bring it up again later. 


	6. Tears and Rants

OMG SOOO MANY REVIEWS 89!!  
  
I Never thought this story would be sooo popular :: blows kisses to reviewers::  
  
You all are AMAZING especially my loyal reviewers! Trust me I read all of them.  
  
This is a SUPER LONG chapter in your Honor so I hope you like.  
  
On with the Show! UGH TIRED!!!  
  
Disclaimer :: Soooo not in the mood for this! Ugh! I never have and never will own Inuyasha & Co. There! So now u can't sue me!! Mwuhahahaha (did I mention I;ve been typing for a ridiculously long time I always do this last)  
  
Tears and Rants  
  
A few rebellious tears managed to trickle forth from Kagome's eyes, betraying the pain and sorrow she still felt at Inuyasha's betrayal. Impatiently she wiped them away with a pale hand, mentally scolding herself for her weakness.  
  
'Come on, Kagome. Get it together, girl! You've spent enough tears over him already. You need to move on! Remember? You can't linger in the past.  
  
You can't go back.  
  
Inuyasha loves Kikyou, and there's nothing that you can do about it. You have to let it go.  
  
You have to let him go.  
  
You can't blame him for not loving you . . .'  
  
She angrily brushed away the tears that had escaped with this new comment. Suddenly a realization hit her, making her feel as if she had suddenly been plunged into a tub of ice cold water  
  
  
  
'God, I'm going to have to go back there and face him.  
  
Not to mention Sesshoumaru and his family.'  
  
She blushed as she remembered the position that they had found her and Sesshoumaru in, but the memory did make her smile. The few times that Sesshoumaru let down his cold façade enough to simply be himself around her were to be cherished.  
  
Though he seemed to be doing so more and more often recently. . .  
  
'Why didn't he tell me that Inuyasha was his brother? Then again he never talks about his family that much. And there is always that sad almost longing look in his eyes when I talk about mine.  
  
I never did tell him about Inuyasha anyway. It hurt too much to talk about him, but I guess I have no choice now, and it can't hurt as much as seeing him again . . .  
  
As much as remembering . . .  
  
But I can't let this affect me. I've come too far to give it all up now. I promised Sesshou that I'd help him move in, and I will. I have to be strong. I'm a resilient girl, and I won't let this ruin me. I can't let my past control me. I have to move on, and let Inuyasha move on too. . .'  
  
She set her face with her newfound determination and marched into the store, buying two more cans of paint for appearance's sake before turning back to Sesshoumaru's apartment to face her past again.. . .  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
A young man with piercing purple eyes and a carefree smile glanced over at the woman next to him as he drove down the street. The woman, who had her long coal black hair tied into a high ponytail, nervously smiled back twisting her hands in her lap.  
  
"Relax, Sango. You have nothing to worry about. Calm down. What could go wrong?" Houshi Miroku said in his deep soothing voice as he watched Sango's nervous expression quickly change to one of anger.  
  
"What could go wrong?!? Are you kidding me, Miroku? You mean besides the fact that Inuyasha is going to be at Sesshoumaru's apartment today?  
  
The same Inuyasha that can't seem to stay in the same side of the GLOBE as Sesshoumaru without trying to kill him!  
  
Not to mention the fact that Kagome is going to be there too. Kagome, who was CRUSHED when she found out that Inuyasha had cheated on her with that- that-that" at this point Sango's vocabulary apparently ran out of words to describe the other girl who had ruined things so badly for her friend. And she merely fumed at the calm face of her boyfriend, that carefree smile seriously grating on her nerves.  
  
(A/N:: Yes, Sango and Miroku are dating)  
  
"And they haven't seen each other in YEARS! Kagome went across Japan to get away from him, and now they're going to meet again. Not to mention that you would have to be blind not to see that Kagome and Sesshoumaru care for one another! Even if they are too stupid to see it themselves."  
  
Miroku gazed upon Sango fury with an unbridled calm, enjoying the fiery spark that had entered her eyes during her rant. And the way that her chest seemed to heave up and down . . . (A/N:: Hey, he's a pervert remember? And I am trying to keep him in character)  
  
Noticing where Miroku's gaze had strayed while she yelled, Sango brought her bag down on his head with a dull thud, shouting, "HENTAI!!!" as she took over the wheel of the car when the semi-conscious Miroku slumped in his chair. A casual observer would notice that they seemed to have WAAAAY too much experience with such behavior.  
  
"And once that they find out that WE KNEW all this time and didn't say a thing. WE ARE DEAD!!!  
  
I mean we've known Inuyasha for years! True, it wasn't until Kagome came along that we really became friends, but we still can't say that we didn't notice his brother around. I mean Sesshoumaru is pretty hard to miss. And when Inuyasha realizes that we've known where Kagome was all along and didn't tell him!!!" Sango continued as Miroku recovered from the jarring blow to his head. (A/N:: I know that Sango's a little out of character here *wards off flying tomatoes* but just bear with me. When you think about it how calm would U be in this situation)  
  
"My dear, Sango, calm down," he replied as he wondered exactly what she kept in that bag of hers *bricks?*  
  
"We had no choice, but to act the way we did given the situation. You know very well, that we could not have betrayed Kagome by telling Inuyasha where she was, when she so obviously wanted no more to do with him.  
  
And every time his name was even mentioned around her, you could see the hurt in her eyes just as easily as I could. I do not know about you, but I was not about dredge up that part of her past," he concluded take back the wheel from Sango.  
  
Sango sighed and leaned against the taller boy in defeat, hoping that he wouldn't take the opportunity to fondle her.  
  
"I know."  
  
'I remember too. . .'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * * *  
  
Working on a particularly stubborn advanced calculus problem, a young woman sat at one of the two cheap but sturdy desks that decorated the small dorm room that the administration in some fit of insanity had actually believed could house two growing college students.  
  
A scraggly, thin light blue carpet that had seen FAR too many years covered the floor, itching her bare feet. Her slim form bent over the desk studying the textbook with deep brown eyes that were slightly tainted with old sorrow. Her head bent in concentration, as her presence spoke of great strength both mental and physical.  
  
Without warning, a loud slam jolted her from her math-induced daze  
  
Sango looked up as her roommate stormed in the room, liquid brown eyes (A/N:: the roommate's not Sango's) flashing with anger. Stomping over to throw her backpack onto the small twin-sized bed of their dorm, Kagome sat down and proceeded to furiously wrestle her books from over-stuffed bag.  
  
"What's the matter, Kagome-chan?" Kagome's curious roommate inquired as she watched her friend apparently attempt to beat her book bag into submission and release her books.  
  
"That pompous, self-important, unfeeling, arrogant BAKA!" responded Kagome, her expression dark with fury. Sango could almost feel the waves of anger that were radiating off of her friend's rigid form.  
  
"I overslept and was late for my first Ancient Japanese History class, so the TA tried to HUMILIATE me in front of the entire class! And if that weren't bad enough, he assigned us all an IMPOSSIBLY long paper for MONDAY! AND the teacher even didn't show up for the entire class!" ranted Kagome her eyes, voice, and face more alive than they had been for a while.  
  
Sango watched her friend's tirade with amusement.  
  
'It's like she's finally woken up! She's been like a ghost for this past year, ever since the break up, wearing a smiling face for everyone but still never showing any of her true spirit. Her eyes always so tired and sad, but now she's just angry.  
  
I never thought that I would be this happy just to see Kagome angry. I would choose the fury in her voice right now to the dead tone that it held so often before, any day. This guy must have really gotten under her skin to finally bring back our old Kagome,' she thought with a smile.  
  
"Yeah, I hear that the professor for that class never even bothers to teach any of his classes if they aren't for graduate students, and that he has his TA's basically teach all of them for him.  
  
Soooo, it might not be such a good idea to have gotten on his bad side. Especially since I hear that he's really hot(A/N:: The TA not the prof)," said Sango with a smirk.  
  
Kagome stopped her battle with her obstinate book bag to look at Sango in disbelief. "Oh, Great," she groaned, "This is just not my day."  
  
'Actually, Kagome-chan. Things seem to be looking up for you today,' thought Sango contently as she watched her friend seem to slowly come back to life, the beaten look in the eyes fading slightly, as she ranted on about the apparently despicable TA.  
  
"So, What's his name?" she inquired, wanting to know the name of the man who had riled up her friend so much.  
  
Kagome, paused, surprised to be interrupted in the midst of her rant, "I'm pretty sure he said his name was Kawamura Sesshoumaru," she replied after a moment's thought.  
  
Sango paled visibly.  
  
'OH SHIT!,' she thought, 'Why of all people did it have to be Sesshoumaru, who managed to wake up Kagome's spirit?  
  
But then again, Inuyasha always did seem to have had a special skill when it came to angering Kagome, maybe it was hereditary. . . .  
  
Should I tell her?  
  
But she seems so alive right now! Back to the vivacious, passionate Kagome that was like a little sister to me. I can't let that jerk's memory ruin this second chance for her.  
  
Every time anyone even mentions his name, she looks as broken as she did when it first happened. Like she has to start healing all over again.  
  
I can't tell her. . . .' she concluded with grim determination.  
  
Watching Sango's face change from playfully curious to shocked to serious, set off Kagome's subliminal alarm indicating that something was wrong with her friend.  
  
"Sango, are you ok?" Kagome asked, the anger that had previously dominated her face replaced by concern as she surveyed her friend, but the light from her fury still not leaving her eyes.  
  
"I'm fine, Kagome-chan," Sango swiftly replied, before noticing Kagome's incredulous face.  
  
"Shouldn't you get started on that paper? You'll never finish it by Monday if you don't start now," she said quickly, effectively distracting Kagome.  
  
"Oh my god! I still have to go to the library to do research before it closes!" she shouted as she sprinted out of the dorm at a dead run, only to come to a skidding halt a the end of the hall.  
  
Groaning, she turned to sprint back and retrieve her forgotten book bag off her bed and dash off towards the library again. (A/N:: I've done it. So you guys can't say that nobody is stupid enough to do that. . .)  
  
* * * * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * * * * *  
  
Shaking her head at the memory, Sango thought, 'At least, I didn't have to lie to her face. I don't think that I could betray someone as trusting as Kagome.  
  
Sesshoumaru didn't even remember Miroku, or me, but then again he always went out of his way to ignore or antagonize and fight Inuyasha. Not exactly the best conditions to make friends under and we didn't even become close with Inuyasha until after Kagome transferred here and by then Sesshoumaru was off at college.'  
  
Slowly she realized that the car had come to a halt and looked up at Miroku's gentle face.  
  
The face that had won her over, and betrayed the kindness that lay behind his perverted actions.  
  
Sango slipped out of the car and stood beside Miroku as they climbed the steps to Sesshoumaru's apartment, their hands instinctively slipping into one another, fingers laced, as if bracing themselves for the storm that they knew was coming. Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze and a carefree smile that was now calming in its own way, Miroku knocked on the door.  
  
(A/N:: I actually have up to here written, proofread, and ready to post and it is 11-56 PM Sat. but I know that you guys would kill me if I left u hanging like that so..)  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Inside of the brightly-lit apartment, Sesshoumaru handed Inutaisho a can of paint after he had insisted upon helping his son paint his apartment. Meanwhile Sakura wandered around the apartment creating a mental list of things that her stepson would need and silently marveling at how he could afford this place.  
  
When she had been in college she lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with a slob of a roommate.  
  
Inuyasha glared at his brother desperately attempting to discern exactly what his intentions were with Kagome and how the HELL they knew each other.  
  
He couldn't help but notice some of the changes that were apparent in his brother. He might be blind when angry, but he wasn't a complete idiot.  
  
With Kagome Sesshoumaru's manner had been softer . . . Kind, almost gentle, in a way that he had never seen in his brother before. Sesshoumaru hadn't even insulted him yet, well at least not the biting, cruel comments that he usually made, just the few casual barbs and his normal insulting manner.  
  
It confused the hell out of him. . .  
  
And what was Kagome doing here!?! And with his brother no less! Nothing about this situation made any sense.  
  
'I haven't seen her in years what the fuck is she doing here all of a sudden!!  
  
And with that bastard Sesshoumaru of all people! What the hell were they doing on top of each other like that and what the hell is with Sesshoumaru!  
  
God, none of this makes any sense!!' he thought with a groan.  
  
'Is Kagome still mad at me?' he thought as his face softened  
  
'She looked so hurt. . . She ran out of here as soon as Sesshoumaru gave her the chance. It was like she was trying to run away or escape.  
  
Trying to escape me. . .  
  
I'm sorry Kagome. I never meant to make you leave. I never meant to betray you.  
  
I never meant to break your heart. . .'  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Sesshoumaru looked up as he heard two swift, sure knocks on his door, soft, almost luminescent white bangs sliding across the pale skin of his forehead as he lifted his head. The paint that had marred his face seemed almost sacrilegious now, and had been washed off at the first opportunity with grace.  
  
(A/N:: I don't know about you but I always look stupid and red-faced after I wash my face, so I just thought to mention that Sesshoumaru still looked cool, of course)  
  
Glancing over, he saw that his troublesome half-brother was still leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at him, and did not seem to be making any move to help or answer the door.  
  
Typical. . .  
  
He walked over to the door with his characteristic smooth grace, and opened it to find Kagome's friends standing there looking as though they were about to face their doom in the form of a very bloody death, but were determined to do so with courage.  
  
Fuck. . .  
  
He had completely forgotten that Kagome had asked them to help him move in, completely without his knowledge of course. He couldn't help but feel that he was slowly, subtly, but surely, being pushed into a friendship with the two, and the last thing he need today was more incompetent fools to deal with.  
  
His patience was already being stretched to its limits with Inuyasha and his family here, ruining what had started out as a peaceful and actually pleasant day. Though surprisingly enough he did not feel the normal intense burning anger and resentment towards the brat and mindless desire to inflict pain that Inuyasha's presence would normally illicit from him, merely deep annoyance with the boy.  
  
Was it her? Did Kagome's soothing presence somehow manage to calm his anger and hatred for his family, specifically his little brother?  
  
Sesshoumaru gave them a cool glance, barely acknowledging their presence, as he stepped aside to let them into the apartment.  
  
"Come in," he said in his normal commanding, emotionless voice.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Inuyasha clenched his fists as he saw his brother start to walk towards him, only to head past him to open the door. What he saw when the door opened made his eyes go as round as grapefruits.  
  
'WHAT THE FUCK ARE MIROKU AND SANGO DOING HERE!?!?!  
  
What the hell is this a bloody conspiracy?!?!' Inuyasha mentally screamed fed up with the multiple blasts from his past that seemed to be determined to ruin his day, and all seemed to know his brother.  
  
Vaguely he noticed that Miroku and Sango were holding hands, as he pushed past his brother and dragged his two friends outside. Slamming the door behind him, he whirled around to face them before shouting,  
  
"Somebody explain to me what the HELL is going on here!"  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N:: Sigh I wouldn't be that cruel. On with the show!)  
  
Noticing Sango's distress, Miroku stepped forward and placed a hand in the middle of Inuyasha's chest effectively pushing him back a step.  
  
"Calm down, Inuyasha," he said, his voice characteristically level and calm, "Yelling will get you nowhere."  
  
"The hell it won't," Inuyasha replied, his face turning red from anger, "What the fuck is going on here, Miroku. What is with Sesshoumaru, and why the hell does he know Kagome!?! And why didn't any of you morons tell me she was here?!?!"  
  
"It is quite obvious that Kagome-sama (A/N:: yes, he still calls her this. Why will be revealed later on!) did not wish to see you, or she would have let you know where she was. We were not about to go against those wishes and reveal her location.  
  
As to the rest, Kagome goes to Tokyo University (A/N:: Sorry, it's the only Japanese college I know, woah 2 A/N in one quote), just as Sesshoumaru does. They are close friends," Miroku concluded, emphasizing the last word in hopes of calming his impulsive friend.  
  
Inuyasha stood frozen attempting to process all of the information that he had just been given. 'Friends?!?! They didn't exactly look like friends when he had walked in on them!'  
  
"Besides," Sango continued, stepping out from behind Miroku after having regained her normal strength, "YOU have no right to intrude on Kagome's life anymore! Or question any relationship she has with your brother!"  
  
Sango advanced on the now vaguely frightened boy with all the eminence of a mother bear protecting her fallen cub. Poking her finger angrily into Inuyasha chest and pushing him back towards the railing of the staircase, she continued, "You have done nothing but hurt her! You gave up all claims you ever had to, even her friendship, when you betrayed with Kikyou like that! You broke her heart, and didn't even have to do it honestly!"  
  
Pinned against the railing, Inuyasha was now shrinking slightly in terror of the infuriated girl that stood before him, searching around for an escape route as each cutting word filled him with guilt.  
  
Still fuming, Sango said in a dangerously quiet voice, "Inuyasha, you have finally made your choice. Live with it, and leave Kagome alone, you unbelievably, selfish jerk."  
  
She spun around and stormed back into the apartment, leaving two very surprised boys in her wake.  
  
'Wow! What a woman!' thought Miroku, as he watched how her eyes shone with fight when she had quickly managed to change Inuyasha's demeanor from challenging and angry to frightened and guilty.  
  
A/N:: There finally done! This is the LONGEST ch. I've EVER written so I hope you guys like it!  
  
I don't know how the longer ch. Will turn out b/c I tend to get sorta impatient if I have to sit and work at my comp for tooo long. SO REVIEW and tell me what you think!  
  
I prob won't update till Weds. Cuz I HAVTA improve my grades, and unfortunatly studying and working my ass off is the only way to go.  
  
Now must study for evil chem test!  
  
Phoenix ~ Ugh, Shoot me!  
  
Sess ~ Do you honestly believe that I, Sesshoumaru, would lower myself to the orders of a mere human.  
  
Phoenix ~ HEY! I am the omnipotent fan-fic author! I control u! Mwuahaha!  
  
Sess ~ :: mutters:: Insane human.  
  
I kno Sango is sorta OOC and I was sorta hard in Inu but tell me what you guys thought. 


	7. Opposites Attract

Hey! OMG! I a can't believe I got SOOOO many reviews!! I LOVE YA! :: bounces up and down with joy and starts coughing and has to sit down::  
  
Sorry this is sooo late, but I;ve been VERY sick, with the flu or something (coughing, fever, sore throat, headache, feel like you;ve been run over by a lawn mover and spit out sound familiar?)  
  
SO I dragged myself out of bed to write this, and I hope to get better by tom, and give you guys a longer update, but this REALLI is not the condition for a fanfic author to make plot points in  
  
AND to top it all off my ff.net has been spazzing out and the site wouldn't let me on till now.  
  
Soo. . . . enough excuses and on with the show  
  
Disclaimer:: ~ look at all the fuzzy pink bunnies, come here bunnnies~ wait FOCUS! Pheonix FOCUS! Oh yeah! no I don't own Inu or the rest of the gang. XP you evil evil copyright ppl  
  
  
  
Opposites Attract  
  
Kagome walked the final steps to Sesshoumaru's apartment a grim, determined expression set on her face, and a can of paint tightly gripped in each white-knuckled hand.  
  
Pausing at the door, she plastered a tight-lipped version of her normal cheery smile on her face and knocked on the door, bracing herself for the worst.  
  
She sighed in relief as she saw the door open, revealing Sesshoumaru, his expression quickly changing from mild annoyance to concern as he saw a pale, shaky Kagome bravely smile up at him, her eyes filled with old sorrow.  
  
Sesshoumaru placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and slowly led her back into the apartment, resolving to question her at the first opportunity, when she didn't appear so fragile.  
  
As she stepped into the living room, her fake smile bloomed into one of genuine thanks as she felt the familiar calm of Sesshoumaru's presence surround and cushion her, making the pains of yesterday seem more distant and easier to bear. (A/N :: I kno sorta tacky, but I am hacking up a lung here and slightly feverish so give me a break)  
  
She glanced around the room, noticing the addition of Miroku and Sango, who kept shooting warning glares at Inuyasha. Inutaisho seemed out of place painting the last pink wall of the room white, and a new women, who appeared in be in the late thirties or early forties, was examining the kitchen drawers. Finally, she allowed herself to look at the boy himself. He had not changed that much in years since she had last seen him with the same boyish, moody face she had grown accustomed to. Noticing that his attention was not on her, she followed his glare to Sesshoumaru's back as he (A/N:: Fluffy, not Inu) picked up a roller and began to help his father paint the last wall.  
  
Not knowing what to do, she went up to greet Sango and Miroku, hoping that her friends would not be so 'loyal' as to make a scene with Inuyasha. She didn't think that she could deal with that right now.  
  
"Kagome-chan!" Sango exclaimed, concern for her friend evident in her eyes, "Are you ok?" she inquired in a hushed voice.  
  
Giving her a tired smile, Kagome responded, "Yes, I'm fine, Sango. You don't have to worry about it. It was a long time ago, ne?"  
  
Recognizing the pained look that was hidden deep in Kagome's eye, Sango replied with a faint "Right, Kagome-chan, Right", as she inwardly cursed Inuyasha for bringing those shadows back to her face.  
  
Miroku gazed at her, noticing the faint redness surrounding her eyes, proving that she had done more than simply "gone out to buy paint" as Sesshoumaru had curtly informed them.  
  
He glanced at the arrogant figure that seemed out of place performing such a menial task as wall painting. How he had managed to "wake up" Kagome, as Sango had said, he would never know? His personality was so contrasting to that of hers, even more so than Inuyasha's had been, but then again maybe that was a good thing.  
  
He was cool and collected, while she was so often frazzled. He was suspicious where she was almost naively trusting. Mature and jaded where, despite all that she had been through in life, she was still innocent.  
  
He could protect her from the outside world.  
  
And she would bring him out of his icy shell to live in it.  
  
'Well, he might be a jerk to the rest of us, but he treats Kagome the way that she deserves, well at least now he does. Its hard to believe that she could change him like that.  
  
He acts so cold and harsh most of the time, though admittedly not as much as he used to. But the man still has that icy sense of danger surrounding him, especially during his kendo matches' Miroku thought with a shudder, remembering the few times he had seen Sesshoumaru compete.  
  
'But around her he's almost gentle, and definitely more peaceful than distanced.  
  
And, I don't care what they say, there's definitely something going on between those too, even if they are too stubborn to admit it, or do anything about it. If Kagome hadn't had so many bad relationships before, especially with Inuyasha, she would have the sense to go for it.  
  
And of course, Sesshoumaru, was . . . well . . .  
  
Sesshoumaru,'  
  
thought Miroku.  
  
A/N:: I kno I kno Ridiculously short, and I didn't proofread so horrible grammar, but I;m seriously ill here and not to mention out of cough drops people give me a break!  
  
Sorri, I apologize again for the lateness and shortness of this and might rewrite it tomm when I;m actually sane.  
  
I will try to update tomm. 


	8. Bliss

OMG!!! YoU GUYS ARE SO FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I can't believe that I got 150 REVIEWS you guys are so great! I never though that this story would be so popular!  
  
YoU GUYS ARE AMAZING!  
  
This is a realli long ch. To make up for the long time it took for me to update!  
  
Sorry, it took so long, but between being sick and bogged down with all this wrk b/c it's the week b4 winter break here things are busy.  
  
Now on with the show!  
Bliss  
  
Inuyasha's deep purple eyes were fixed upon Sesshoumaru's back, as they had been since he had started to paint the wall. He had not allowed himself to look at Kagome or even the portion of the room that held her since he had first heard her knock on door, afraid of what he would see in her gaze. If there would still be that sorrow and longing, and if he wanted it to still be there . . .  
  
"Of course I don't,' he thought with an arrogant huff as he crossed his arms and continued to glower at his brother. (A/N:: the famous Inuyasha pose!)  
  
'Sango's right I have to let go. I mean, I made my choice and I'm happy with Kikyou right? She's the love of my life'  
  
Kikyou's mysterious gaze floated into his mind's eye. He always wondered what those deep brown eyes hid, unlike with Kagome he never seemed to be able to read them. She had always seemed so untouchable to him, set on an entirely different level than him or any other girl that he had ever met. Coolly distant like a goddess set on an ancient pedestal to be worshipped but never touched and tainted by the hands of men. (A/N:: No, I;m not a kikyou-fan! This is Inu's POV remember! ::runs away from flying tomatoes)  
  
She was so much different than Kagome. . .  
  
He couldn't help but smile as he remembered her cheery face with a smile that simply beamed and could light up even the most dreary and pointless of moments.  
  
Kagome was sunshine where Kikyou was ice. She had forcefully dragged him out of the depression he had sunk into after Kikyou had left, without any thanks on his part and not taking 'no' for an answer. Somehow she had brought back his ability to trust, though he had no idea it was even happening until it was too late. She was completely amazing  
  
In her own way. . . .  
  
And yet he had only repaid her in tears and betrayal . . .  
  
(A/N:: Yes, I kno this update and my last have been riddle with tackiness and overall clicheishness. I kno that there in there somewhere but I just cant seem to be able to find them. ARGH. If you see them. I can sense I kno I can grrrr I;m not insane Tell me PLEASE!)  
  
'Damn,' he thought as out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kagome end her conversation with Sango and enter the kitchen, where he knew his mother was probably analyzing and critiquing everything from Sesshoumaru's cutlery to grouting for inadequacies that she could 'help' with.  
  
'When will she understand that that bastard couldn't care less about her and that there's nothing she can do to change that,' he thought with resignation and anger at his brother thoughtlessly cruel actions.  
  
But that was not what was causing him to mentally curse his luck, as he fought to keep his glare focused on his brother's un-responding back.  
  
His father did not know about his past relationship with Kagome, due to his demanding work schedule and the fact that Inuyasha would probably sooner jump off of a cliff into a pit of swarming sharks wearing nothing but a sting bikini than open up to his father about his love life. (A/N:: Errr. . . no idea where that mental picture came from, prob all the cough medecine)  
  
His mother on the other hand had definitely known about Kagome, and even met the girl on a few occasions, despite the desperate protests of a red- faced Inuyasha. Though he had not specifically told her what had ended his relationship with the girl, he had a feeling that his mother knew, and knew enough not to hassle him about it further than a few questions and inquiring glances.  
  
Her piercing purple eyes that were so similar to his own, and yet not, holding more reserve, maturity, and perceptiveness than his did, were all- seeing. He felt oddly exposed around her, as if she could read him like a book, which was justified because she probably could.  
  
She knew from a glance at his face when he had had a bad day or a good one. She could tell from his tone alone what mood he was in, and often could guess what had put him there. And she was the first to discover that he had fallen in love  
  
and the first to find out when Kikyou had disappeared on him. . .  
  
She was un-nervingly perceptive when it came to her son, and he knew it. And that was why a shudder of foreboding rushed through his spine as Kagome entered the kitchen.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Sakura rummaged through the boxes labeled kitchen supplies that she had taken off that monstrosity of a pile in the living room. The newly de- pinkified kitchen still smelled faintly of the dried paint on its walls and disinfectant from her furious scrubbing session.  
  
Now that she was thoroughly satisfied that the kitchen was completely food- friendly with no paint bits or old dirt lingering, Sakura could finally begin to unpack the boxes that she had dragged in here, refusing the dubious help of the young man with a kind face, but a lecherous glint in his eyes. (A/N:: Woah long sentence there, sorry if its confusing, just read through slowly if u have a problem/ no I will not have Miroku feel up Inu's mom that's just wrong, though she is a very pretty lady)  
  
Taking a short break in her battle to untangle the cord of the toaster, the at times overly curious Sakura left behind the mess of cord, and trotted over to another box that she had taken from the living room, all the while feeling slightly guilty for snooping.  
  
'But then again, if I didn't snoop, I would never know anything about either of my sons,' she reasoned to herself as she carefully opened the box labeled "PHOTOS" in Sesshoumaru's elegant, precise hand 'It's a mother's duty to snoop, and know what's going on in her sons lives.'  
  
Unwrapping the top picture from its newspaper cushion, she found herself gazing down on a picture of Sesshoumaru actually smiling pleasantly leaning against a tree with a young, dark-haired woman, as they sat across from each other on a picnic blanket.  
  
Grabbing one of the few photo albums in the box (A/N:: Sessie isn't much of a picture person), she began to quickly flip through it, spotting the cheerful young woman in mand if not almost all of the pictures and noticing that it was in these pictures that Sesshoumaru discarded his normal stiff, formal semi-frown in favor of a genuine light smile.  
  
'My, my. It seems that our little Sesshoumaru has finally fallen for a girl,' she thought with a smile, noticing the drastic difference in her stepson between the pictures with the girl and the pictures without her.  
  
It was as if he were a completely different person. The reserve was still there, but the customary ice was gone, replaced by a gentle warmth and affection that both surprised and overjoyed Sakura.  
  
'And fallen hard . . .'  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Kagome walked into the room surprised to find Inuyasha's mother sitting on the floor by an open cardboard box, picture frames, albums, and pictures spread out all around her, making her a small island surrounding by an ocean of pictures and other's memories on the white ceramic tile floor of the kitchen. (A/N:: I've done that to myself SOOO many times)  
  
Hearing someone else enter the room, Sakura looked up to see the face of the one girl that her birth son had hurt the most, and with shock realized who the dark-haired young woman in the pictures was.  
  
The one girl who seemed to be able to soften Sesshoumaru's heart, and finally force him into letting others into his lonely, distant life. Of all the girls to have fallen for Sesshoumaru had to choose this one.  
  
'Damnit . . .'  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
Sesshoumaru lazily swept the paintbrush over the once garishly pink wall in a controlled gesture, spreading the paint out evenly.  
  
Wondering at the supreme level of uselessness Inuyasha could achieve, he felt his brother's heated glare on his back, as it had been for over an hour now.  
  
He could see Miroku and Sango playfully work on painting the bathroom out of the corner of his eye through the open door, while he sensed a thin film of tension cover everything in the apartment. The cause of which was unknown to him. He knew it had something to do with the past relationship between his baby brother and Kagome, and that he was somehow involve, but beyond that he was clueless. A situation which he did NOT enjoy, he had learned the hard way that even if there are things beyond your control, you should at least know of them.  
  
* * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * *  
  
A very young Sesshoumaru watched his parents argue, his tiny nose pressed into the crack of the door as he eavesdropped on their conversation, straining to hear their at times hushed and at times angry words.  
  
Watching his once strong mother seem to crumple at his father's words, he shivered in his thin, summer pajamas, standing alone in the eerily dark hall.  
  
He fought the urge to run to her, to place his arms around her neck and chase away all of bad things making her sad like she had done so often for him. But he had known,  
  
he had TRUSTED  
  
that his father would take care of this as he always did, and that he, Sesshoumaru would only get in the way, as he knew little boys sometimes did when adults wished to be left alone, and this seemed one of those times.  
  
He waited for his father to valiantly step forth, always the shining, white knight, and soothe the pain he saw in his mother's eyes as she trembled, her shoulder slumped and every line of her body reading defeat and sorrow.  
  
Shocked, the young boy's golden eyes widened to miniature suns, letting all of his emotions shine through, as he finally understood to some degree the scene that was playing before his eyes.  
  
His father was the one that was making his mother his mother sad, making those silent tears course down her pale cheeks and her one strong, proud shoulders shake with repressed sobs.  
  
He watched as his father, the man who had always stood upon a marble pillar in his mind, representing everything that he had wanted to become and everything that he had wanted to achieve, hung his head in shame.  
  
"Gomenasai," Sesshoumaru heard him mutter his voiced laced with an almost desperate plea, as he forced himself to raise his head and look his wife in the eyes.  
  
He strained forward as he heard his mother whisper something with enough force to send his father wide shoulders slumped down in misery.  
  
"Sometimes sorry isn't good enough,"  
  
The boy watched as he mother abruptly turned and flew out of the room knocking him down in her rush to leave, unable to see him with her tear- blurred eyes, her car keys clutched tightly in her hands as she rushed out into the fittingly chaotic stormy night.  
  
He ran after her, afraid that she would leave him behind, and wanting to soothe the sorrow he saw in his mother's eyes that he had foolishly trusted his father to end.  
  
Calling out her name, he stumbled along in his nightclothes chasing his mother's shadow through the halls of the house that now seemed spooky and looming the dark corners mocking him. Finally he tripped on the hem of his pants and fell, calling out as he did so, tears freely flowing down his face. The lush carpeting of the hall left a burning sensation on his palms and he sobbed with the free abandon of a child left behind.  
  
Suddenly he felt a warm arm on around his shoulders helping him to stand. Looking up into the kind, green eyes of his mother that were now bright with tears, he knew that she would never leave him behind. Unmistakable concern and motherly affection lay behind the tears in her eyes, as she surveyed her son.  
  
"Mother?" he asked, his small voice filled with his uncertainty and wish to help.  
  
Smiling at his timid tone, she thought, 'I could never leave him behind, my little boy. I'm going to miss that little, timid boy when he grows up.' She brushed the thick, soft bangs out of his forehead, marveling at how neat they seemed to be able to stay with relatively little effort on the small boy's part.  
  
'But I will love to see the fine man I know he will grow to become. Even now, I can feel it in my heart that he has too much a sense of honor in that head of his to do something like this to any girl,' she thought with a dismal, but hopeful smile.  
  
"It's ok, Sessie-chan," she said, using the nickname that he had recently "gotten too old" for.  
  
"I'll always be here for you," she promised, "Your father and I have just had a little fight, and I want to go out for a little drive. Will you do me a favor, and go back to bed?"  
  
Sesshoumaru contemplated the situation at hand, and gave his mother a fierce hug, wanting the block out all of her sorrows and protect her vivacious spirit from the blows that seemed to be wracking it now.  
  
Her eyes were still bright from held back tears, and her voice tight from the effort. He knew that she didn't want to cry in front of him, but needed to cry, so he let her go. . . .  
  
(A/N:: Both physically and well you know)  
  
"I love you, mother. Come home soon," he said with a slight smile as he pecked his mother on the cheek before running back to his room, hoping that when he woke up his mother would be back and the world would right itself again, but knowing that his life had just been changed forever and that he was quickly being forced to leave his blissful childhood behind.  
  
Unfortunately, he did not know how soon.  
  
It's true what they say.  
  
Ignorance is bliss.  
  
* * * * * * End Flashback* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Slowly coming back to reality, Sesshoumaru realized that he had been standing at the wall with an unmoving paintbrush for several minutes lost in his memories. Feeling the old pain rising, he quickly shoved them to the back of his mind and focused on the task at hand.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
"Kagome. . . ." Sakura murmured staring at the girl.  
  
Startled Kagome realized just who was in the kitchen with her. "Oh, hello, Fugio-san (A/N:: I don't know if they change from their maiden names in Japan, so tell me if I got this wrong) I didn't know that you were here too. I suppose that Sesshoumaru is your stepson," she said remembering the emphasis that both brother's had placed upon the word half and the fact that Sesshoumaru's mother had passed away long ago.  
  
The older woman had been staring at the girl in almost grim disbelief, as if by the force of her stare she could alter the identity of the mystery girl in the pictures. She wished happiness for both of her sons, and kami- sama knew that Sesshoumaru deserved it, even if he did not allow it to himself. However, this new development complicated things MUCH more. What will I do? I couldn't I betray my own flesh and blood to try to bring those two together, right?  
  
The air in the room became as tense as the string on a violin waiting to played, about to create a beautiful masterpiece that could move the very souls of millions to devotion and tears, or a strangled wreck that sounded reminiscent of the dying screams of a tortured out of tune cat. A million possible outcomes of that day rushed through the air, before fate finally settled on one.  
  
No, but Inuyasha had his chance, and I decided long ago that I would try to make up to Sesshoumaru for havoc I had unintentionally created in his life. While I know that I probably will never be able to through this girl I might be able to make his life infinitely better.  
  
My decision is made.  
  
After all, I do have two sons, no matter how many I gave birth to or accept me as their mother. I will always be mother to two sons.  
  
'Besides matching-making has always been a forte of mine, and a skill that has been unused for FAR too long,' she thought with a mischievous smirk, a plan formulating in her mind as she watched the young woman before her self- consciously shift her weight under weight of her gaze and the pregnant silence in the room.  
  
(^.^)(^.^)  
  
There done!! Btw, I'm american so if there any points of Japanese culture or grammar that I;m getting wrong PLEASE tell me.  
  
I'll try to update soon, but I don't know if I'll get to before the weekend.  
  
Ugh, I hate that Fanfiction.net is now only updating their website every like 12 hrs or so, so I don't know when u guys will be able to read this but tell me what you thing AND REVIEW! I LIVE OFF OF THEM! MORE REVIEWS = FASTER AND LONGER UPDATES! 


	9. Author NOte sorry you guys

Hey You guys! I know that I said there would be faster and longer updates, but I'm going on winter ski vaca and won't be back until thurs or fri. . Don't worry tho they'll be an UNBELIEVABLY long update when I get back. Sorry. I hate these thigns too. If it helps I put fluffy in the shower in one of my next ch. and there are descriptions galore! Non-hentai tho so don't worry.  
  
And I also end that one day which I just realized had taken up aall my ch. So far.  
  
Wish my luck! Bai! 


	10. Library Climbing

Hey! Too tired to write much. But here's ur ch. SOOOOOOOO sorry about how long it took, but things got hectic. N e way, here goes nothing.  
  
Disclaimer- tired, me no own inu. There done!  
  
I LOVE YOU, reviewers! Y Ou guys are sooooooo amazing!!!!! 190 Reviews!!!!!!!!! Mwah! You guys ROCK!!!!!!!!!  
  
Library Climbing  
Steamed fogged the glass door of the shower, as Sesshoumaru rested his head upon it, allowing the hot spray of water to flow onto his back and trickle down his tense muscles, relaxing them after the stressful day he had just had. (A/N:: *Bats away drooling fans* BACK! I say BACK! I kno, I just had to put a shower scene in here, after all the boy has to bathe right? I might even put another one in I think I like these)  
  
The water dripped like warm, summer's rain off of his lithe muscles as he relaxed under the full force of the heated spray. His fine, silver hair heavy with water hung down his back as he pondered the day's events. (A/N:: I kno I have lots of thoughts but that's just my writing style. Don't worry this day will soon be over)  
  
Bringing a rare smile to his lips, Kagome's laughing chocolate gaze floated into his mind's eye as he remembered how the day had begun, only to quickly turn to a frown as he remembered how it had ended. The move had become nothing but an excruciatingly long, tense ordeal after his family's arrival, and he was not fool enough to think that it was merely the normal tensions within his family causing this discomfort. No, it had something to do with a past pain, and the relationship between his brother and Kagome.  
  
He knew that it was not some petty argument or such that had caused this pain, the pain he had seen in her eyes was too deep, too crushing for it to be so. He knew that Kagome was far too strong to allow something so trivial to affect her so strongly. After all, it was her strength that had first drawn him to her in the first place and first won her his respect.  
  
* * * * * * Flashback * * * * * *  
  
A flustered Kagome leaned up desperately attempting to grasp the book far out of her reach.  
  
"Drats" (A/N:: I kno, I kno, but I say drats! I;m keeping drats alive! Besides she doesn't curse in the manga or anime) she muttered under her breath. "Come on! Just a teensy bit closer. Okay, a lot closer! I need you to write the stupid essay for that arrogant baka,' she said as she finally abandoned all of her self-regard and began to jump up and down trying to reach the book.  
  
Striding down the aisle, Sesshoumaru caught sight of her actions. Amused, he hid behind one of the numerous bookcases to watch her desperate attempts to snatch the book from the shelf.  
  
So this was the girl that had sparked his interest with her defiant attitude in his class that day.  
  
He smirked as he watched her hop up and down wildly swinging her arms to try and grab the book before gravity inevitably overtook her and she fell to the ground only to leap up once again. (A/N:: Errr, sorry if that's confusing)  
  
She had not seemed the typical overly brash and disrespectful freshman trying to play-up their importance when she had boldly met his accusing gaze after arriving late. Nor was she some simpering coward frightened of the mere thought of an angered professor. Instead he had seen a pride in her, a spirit that refused to be broken and intimidated or held back by anything for that matter, which was a truly rare thing in today's coddled society.  
  
Finally fed up with her futile attempts that were obviously getting her nowhere, Kagome glared at the offending book, one hand on her hip. "Come on!" she yelled, part of her mind registering that it was definitely odd behavior to yell at a book, and expect it to jump down off the shelf. But she ignored it, after all it wasn't like there was anyone there to see her. She was in a very secluded section of a gigantic library. Besides she had had a very bad day, and was in desperate need of a rant.  
  
"This has been a horrible day, and I could really use a break right about now! The universe owes me one with the luck I've been having. I mean not only do I have an arrogant, cold-hearted jerk for a teacher, well technically a TA but in that class it's basically the same thing. But I also managed to make him angry the first day AND he assigned us an impossible paper, which I'm almost positive he wouldn't do normally. I NEED you to write that paper, so please come down," she begged with her hands clasped in front of her before realizing just how ridiculous she looked at that point. Almost being able to hear, Inuyasha's half-mocking, half- insulting laugh, she finally threw caution to the wind.  
  
With a disgruntled humph, she slipped off her shoes, which while not exactly high-heels would not be suitable for what she planned to do. "Fine! Be that way! But I'll get you one way or another!" she yelled at the book. With determination shining in her deep brown eyes, she grabbed a higher shelf of the great wooden bookcase and set her feet on a shelf a few feet off the ground. Refusing to look down and scare herself more than needed, she began to climb up the shelves with her eyes set on her goal.  
  
'Was the girl insane?' Sesshoumaru wondered as he watched her actually attempt to climb up the impressive, but admittedly dangerous, ancient bookcase. His earlier offense at her insults fading as he watched in almost fascination as she slowly made her way to the book her now knew she needed to write her paper. The same kind of fascination that drives us to stare fixated at the television when a car chase that you know will end in a horrible, bloody crash is on.  
  
'Well, I must admit she is determined' he thought with a smirk as she worked her way up the shelves 'Determined but stupid'. She could have just as easily asked for assistance or fetched one of the many stools or ladders scattered around the bookcases. Tensing and unconsciously moving forward, he watched as her socked foot slipped against on of the shelves, only to relax as he saw her catch herself and regain her balance with no trouble, and continue on her way without fear.  
  
Not wanting to surprise the girl and cause her to loose her balance, he continued to watch her from the shadows behind a bookcase a while away from hers. He unconsciously breathed a sigh of relief, as she seemed to finally reach her destination, and saw her hand clasp around the thick spine of the book.  
  
Smiling in triumph, she began to slowly make her way down, only to realize that it was far more difficult than the way up, particularly when she held a heavy book clutched in one hand. Unwilling the let go of her prize, Kagome cautiously made her way down the bookcase using only one hand. Unfortunately, climbing down bookcases one-handed was NOT one of her numerous skill.  
  
Sesshoumaru's breath caught in his throat as he saw Kagome slip and lose her already precarious balance on the bookcase. Her arms flailed wildly as she lost her grip on the hard wood of the shelf and began to fall. The world seemed to slow around him as he ran out of his hiding spot, hoping to catch the girl before she met a much harder landing on the hard, unforgiving floor of the library.  
(A/N:: you guys kno I;m not that evil)  
His eyes widened in horror as he saw her hit the ground hard, her hand still stubbornly clinging to that damn book. Her head cracked against the ground dangerously, and Sesshoumaru felt guilt and foreboding well up inside of him as he ran toward the now prone form of the girl.  
  
Even if she was a defiant fool, she did not deserve to die falling from a bookcase.  
  
Noticing that she was unconscious, he knelt down beside her relieved that he could see her chest slowly rise and fall in deep rhythmic breaths. Checking her for serious injuries, he discovered that aside from the blow to the head, which had knocked her unconscious, the arm she had landed on was injured and her ankle was twisted in a very unnatural way though not broken.  
  
He gently lifted her into his arms, careful not to further aggravate any injuries that she had. Running to the university infirmary, he silently cursed himself for not being quicker or helping her reach the book himself. He glanced down the notice that she was groggily opening her eyes, and relief coursed through his veins like a cool, refreshing breeze on an oppressively sizzling summer day. (A/N:: hey its 4 in the morning and I;m tired give me a break here)  
  
Kagome felt a shooting pain run through her arm and ankle as she gradually regained consciousness, not the mention a throbbing headache. As she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into twin pools of molten gold filled with concern and almost palpitating with a tangible relief. The intensity of the gaze made her want to hide within her skin, as she felt it sweep through all of the layers she had buried herself under when she had been hurt and betrayed, leaving her more exposed and raw than she had ever felt before. However, she felt fixated upon those shifting amber pools, unable to look away, feeling like a deer caught in headlights unable to flee from its oncoming doom.  
  
Slowly she remembered what had happened to probably lead to her current situation, and cursed her own stupidity. Suddenly feeling shy, she muttered, "Umm, could you please put me down? I think that I can walk on my own."  
  
Sesshoumaru blinked several times before her words sunk into his dazed mind. Shaking himself out of the stupor that her sluggish gaze had sent him into and disturbed by the unfamiliar way those chestnut eyes seemed to throw him off balance and make his breath catch in his throat, he immediately put as much distance between the injured girl and himself as he could and abruptly dropped her onto the grass beneath them.  
  
After the initial shock had worn off, the unease of the girl's presence threw him off-balance. A feeling which he distinctly disliked. The intense, intimate gaze he had just shared with her left him feeling exposed, as if she had penetrated all of the walls of ice he had spent his entire life building around him with her deep, emotional eyes. (A/N:: I know theres OOC in here, but u have to admit that this whole 'gazing deeply into each other's eyes' happens quite often with Kagome and even happened in like the first month with Inuyasha several times in the "real" series)  
  
Slipping back on his normal icy mask, he cast a cold glance on the girl that was now sprawled on the ground clutching her injured arm, the accursed book now laying in her lap discarded in favor of protectively holding her pained limb. (A/N:: all throughout this she never left the book behind, she held it in her uninjured arm when he carried her, talk about dedication to your schoolwork)  
  
Gasping from her abrupt drop, Kagome quickly left her slightly abashed, meek state behind in favor of outright fury at her "savior".  
  
"What was that for?!?!" she shouted her anger, only growing as she recognized just who had been carrying her.  
  
"As you said so yourself, Higurashi-san. You are conscious and can walk by yourself, and obviously no longer need my assistance." Sesshoumaru coolly replied, seemingly unfazed by the furious girl that was now glaring up at him.  
  
Furious at his chilly demeanor and callous behavior, Kagome pushed herself to her feet, wincing slightly at as the pain in her ankle increased. Leaning almost all of her weight onto her uninjured leg, she swayed slightly as she stood.  
  
With a grim, stubborn determination and a fury at the man who had "saved" her, she managed to take a whopping four steps before crumpling to the ground.  
  
Sesshoumaru, who had been stoically watching her vain attempt to walk, reluctantly made a decision, and with a sigh of resignation he walked over to the girl and quickly scooped her up once again.  
  
Kagome was so shocked at the unexpected action and her sudden change in elevation that she instinctively tightly gripped the front of his shirt. Only to turn about 70 shades of red when she realized what she was doing. Quickly switching gears due to the realization that she functioned much more easily when angry than embarrassed, she decided to demand an explanation.  
  
"What are you doing?!?" she asked, shocked with his behavior.  
  
"Taking you to the infirmary, since you are obviously unable to do it yourself," he said with his usual impassive voice that constantly seemed to be demeaning to Kagome's ears.  
  
"I don't need your help. I can walk there myself perfectly fine!" she snapped, more viscously than she had intended to, the pain making her even more short-tempered and irritated. "I said to put me down!"  
  
Tired of her complaints, he swiftly set her onto her feet without another word, and stepped away, watching slightly impressed as she managed to stand alone for a full five second, before passing out from the combined pain of her head, arm, and ankle.  
  
~_~_~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
She stood carefully, determined not to see the arrogant man behind her see her pass out. Kagome felt waves of pain wash over her each second that she stood and slowly felt blackness seep into her mind despite her desperate struggles to fight it off until finally she slipped into the dark abyss and crumpled to the ground for the second time that day.  
  
~_~_~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Expecting the fall, Sesshoumaru smoothly caught her before she hit the ground and proceeded to carry her to the infirmary with no more fuss and great deal less anxiety over her welfare.  
  
'No one that headstrong and determined would allow a bookcase to defeat them,' he thought with a smirk.  
  
~_~_~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Walking home from dropping the still unconscious girl off in the infirmary, the silver-haired young man noticed a thick tome lying the grass, seeming out of place with its surroundings.  
  
Flipping through its yellowed pages with one long, elegant hand, he recognizing the advanced book as the same one that insane girl had risked her life to reach. Not quite knowing why at the time he slipped the book into the maroon backpack slung on his shoulder and continued on his way.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sesshoumaru smiled at the memory, softening his golden eyes unconsciously. 'She was always so determined not to let anything stand in her way, I don't think that she would let something from her past keep her down either,' he thought as he quickly finished bathing, knowing that Kagome would be dropping by soon to make sure that the first night in his new apartment seemed less lonely.  
  
Interested he thought back to the events of the day. He had no idea what Sakura and Kagome had spoken of in the kitchen, but his curiosity was plaguing his mind. Especially since afterward, Sakura seemed to be rushing his family out of the apartment and into the car with a tactful speed that left Sesshoumaru's head spinning. Particularly, since the behavior was completely out of character from the woman, who would normally have far over-stayed her welcome, which was actually worn out the second that she had stepped through the door.  
  
Soon after his family returned home, Sango and Miroku had left as well, because Sango had a lesson at the dojo to teach with Miroku as her promised ride there. Which basically left Kagome and Sesshoumaru with the task of dismantling the gigantic pile of boxes stacked in the living room.  
  
Seeing the emotionally exhausted girl pale at the sight, some evil, vindictive spirit had taken over his body and told her that he could handle it by himself. Practically shoving her out the door, muttering complete nonsense about her being too exhausted and already having done enough, he proceeded to have one of the single WORST Saturdays of his entire life, as he set out unpacking the numerous boxes.  
  
Quickly finishing his shower, he stepped out into the now steam-filled bathroom, wrapping a towel around his waist, and draping another over his soaking hair.  
  
He sighed as he remembered exactly how much work he had left to do before his apartment was even remotely guest-friendly, feeling the headache that had faded in the relaxing shower return full-blast.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Kagome felt a cool breeze sweep through the courtyard, ruffling her bangs, as she focused all of her concentration onto the small target ahead of her. She felt the tensions of the day slip from her shoulders as her entire world narrowed into the single point. Carefully aiming with the shaft of the arrow, she drew back her arm and released.  
  
With a soft twang, the arrow sped away from young girl and embedded itself into the target with a thunk.  
  
In one smooth motion, she reached back for another arrow, only to have her hand meet with nothing but air.  
  
Snapping out of the meditative state she had fallen into while practicing with her bow and arrows, she realized that a thick cluster of arrows was deeply embedded into the target, and that there were no more in the quiver on her back.  
  
She felt the desperate need to unwind fade, and an exhaustion seep into her very bones, as she packed up and prepared to head to home for the day. Smiling she remembered her promise to stop by Sesshoumaru's apartment that night, only to wince as she remembered the gigantic pile of boxes she had left him with. She felt guilty leaving him with such a large amount of work left, but the days events had left her drained, and she had needed some time on her own to sort through her emotions.  
  
But to make up for she was going to bring him a nice dinner, and hope that the giant pile hadn't managed to gobble him up when she had left. Since Kagome was a normal, unskilled, hectic college student dinner meant one thing. TAKE-OUT!!  
  
A/N:: Yee gods! Finally done with chapter!! Hope you guys like it!  
  
READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please ^_^ 


	11. Finally Understanding Gah, ignore the we...

Hey! SOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry, for not updating sooner. I kno I'm late, but this chapter is worth the wait I'm very proud of it.  
  
I LOVE MY REVIEWERS SOOO MUCH! Your're the reason I got off my but and updated! I CANT BELIEVE I PASSED 200! I was gonna respond to reviews, but its now 4-06 in the morning and I have to be up in about 5 hrs, so I figured u'd rather have the update today!  
  
Besides I made a promise to a faithful reader.  
  
SO on with the show.  
Finally Understanding.  
  
Sesshoumaru scanned the room with critical eyes, and gave a mental sigh of relief as he FINALLY found everything up to his critical standards. He felt exhausted, though the results were well worth it.  
  
Elegant black lamps that were expertly situated throughout the living room filling it with a warm glow. A larger light fixture was screwed into the ceiling, but created far too much light for Sesshoumaru's current mood, and would no doubt only aggravate his migraine.  
  
The new crisp milk colored walls accentuated the delicate chestnut moldings that had been hidden by the garish bubble gum pink paint. This apartment had definitely been a good investment, and completely undeserving of the ditz of a girl it had previously belonged to.  
  
His eyes wandered over to the entranceway that led from the living room to the dining room, which was a more of a door-less wide arch than a definite barrier between the two rooms. The dining room itself was only slightly smaller than the living room, and now furnished with a thin, elegant black marble table that seemed to fit well with the décor of the apartment, as well as the personality of the inhabitant.  
  
The entire apartment was decorated with an interesting mix of black as white as its theme, and seemed to contain a delicate balance of wood, metal, and rich fabrics. The unique clash brought together with the occasional splashes of a deep brick red exhibited an interesting balance between ancient and modern with an unusual elegance that was purely Sesshoumaru.  
  
Finally finished surveying his new home, Sesshoumaru gracefully plopped down the couch, resting his head against the finely upholstered arm and allowing his hair to swing down the end of the couch in a shimmering silver river that seemed to catch the light and make it its own (A/n:: aka glow) as it brushed the thick rug laying on the floor.  
  
Just as he felt his heavy eyelids start to drift close, he heard the distinct ring of his door bell, and with a barely contained groan pulled himself to his feet and swept towards the door determined the strangle whichever foolish mortal had dare disturb him. A sentiment that flew out the window as soon as he saw the sight that met his tired eyes and brought a small smile to his lips.  
  
Kagome was beaming up at him with numerous paper and plastic bags barely clutched in her small hands, looking for all the world as if she had just defeated an army of menacing youkai or evil college professors (take your pick) single-handedly.  
  
"I brought dinner," she cheerfully chirped, somehow managing to lift his gloomy mood and raise his previously depleted energy supply with that simple, innocent sentence.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Raising one eloquent black eyebrow and curiously eyeing the large number of bags that she had actually managed to fit through the door, Sesshoumaru casually remarked, "You do know that it would be humanly impossible to eat that much food, don't you? You have enough to feed a small starving nation and still have enough left over to kill a zoo full of ravenous Siberian tigers."  
  
Used to his sarcastic remarks, and actually enjoying them, Kagome took the comment in stride and proceeded to unpack several of the bags.  
  
"Not all of the bags are food, besides do you think that I would dare insult the majesty of the great Sesshoumaru-sama by offering him Wacdonalds? I stopped by the Miko no Shikon (A/N:: yes I kno extremely tacky, but I wanted to stick that in somewhere, I think it means priestess of the four souls or something like that but I'm not a natural speaker or even a speaker so feel free to tell me I'm a moron and actually said like a toilet bowl duck or something) restaurant and picked some food up. You know how over enthusiastic they get there get with your food. I swear over half of the staff there has a crush on you," she said pausing with a slight, jealous frown marring her normally jovial face and remembering the not exactly subtle hints, questions, messages, and phone numbers she had been loaded down with before leaving. None of which would be told to Sesshoumaru of course.  
  
When Sesshoumaru had first arrived in Tokyo his freshman year of college, he had been in desperate need of funds. While he compromised and allowed his father to pay for his tuition, his own pride would not allow him to accept more from the man, and still needed to pay for necessities such as food and books.  
  
These dire straits had actually led him to lower himself to work as a waiter and then a host in a high-class restaurant named the Miko no Shikon, which happened to owned by four middle-aged women and have an almost entirely female staff.  
  
Personally, Kagome believed that the only reason the haughty young man had managed to land the job, make it and keep it for so long was that the entire staff along with the owners with half in love with the gorgeous boy.  
  
"Anyway, on the way back from the restaurant, I saw a flea market and couldn't help myself, so I bought a few...  
  
dozen..  
  
things to make the place a bit more homey. Don't give me that look, its nothing expensive. You know very well that I'm too broke to afford anything like that. And its nothing fuzzy, girly, or leopard-print either! Promise."  
  
While she was talking, she had managed to dig up the dishes that his step- mother had brought and set the cold, marble table for two, creating a much more friendly and vibrant atmosphere in the previously almost impeccably lonely apartment.  
  
Sesshoumaru swore he could almost feel the air in the apartment come alive and brighten, as Kagome continued to contently chatter about the various items she had found at the flea market. Somehow it seemed she had managed to actually warm the apartment by several degrees by her mere presence and chase away all of his previous lassitude.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
The dishes were now stacked in the kitchen, and the remains of their grand, take-out dinner stored in the refrigerator. The atmosphere was relaxed as if in the calm aftermath of a storm. The kind of relaxed contentment that made all of the hell leading up to that one moment seem more than worth it.  
  
Kagome was kneeling on the ground in front of an ottoman with Sesshoumaru sprawled, once again on the couch facing her with his head delicately rested on his curled fist and was propped up by his bent arm. He gazed with interest at the girl, who was now ruffling through one of the many bags placed onto and around the coffee table, which separated the two, situated in the center of the living room.  
  
".. And I thought that these picture frames could go somewhere. I noticed that you didn't have many pictures up in your old apartment, and so I got some for you.  
  
Hmmm.. I think that's it." she said finally emptying out the last of the various items from the various bags. There were now a large amount of nick knacks spread out across the table and the surrounding floor.  
  
The entire time Sesshoumaru had listened to her little explanations on the objects that she had brought, occasionally interjecting a sarcastic comment. Both were completely content to simply be in each other's company.  
  
"Thank you," Sesshoumaru said, looking her straight in the eyes with no sarcasm in his voice, merely a sincere seriousness and an intense gaze that sent shivers down her spine.  
  
While he knew that he should be accustomed to such behavior from her by now, it still touched something inside of him, (A/N:: ugh cliché) because he knew that unlike so many others she acted without any other motivations than to help him. She had cared enough to do this, she had cared enough about him. She had noticed the lack of warmth in his home and sought to change it herself.  
  
And most interestingly of all, he trusted her enough to belief that she did not want anything in return.  
  
"Kagome, what happened today? What about my miserable excuse for a brother upset you so much that you reacted that way? And do not lie to me and say that it was nothing. It is an insult to my intelligence," he said with typical arrogance back in full force as if to almost compensate for the tenderness in his first words.  
  
"I know you far too well for that. How do you know each other?" he finished his voice now tender, almost as if to soothe whatever sting was left from his curt remark and question, making it impossible for Kagome to be angry. He was an enigma wrapped in a conundrum..  
  
(A/N:: I don't remember where I heard that b4 but I kno I got it from somewhere, brownies to anyone who can tell me so I can give proper kudos)  
  
Kagome felt the now familiar feeling of golden heat piercing through every shield she attempted to throw up as the wave of memories crashed down upon her, beating her scarred heart once more.  
  
Unable to look away from the steady gaze that had managed to become even more divine from the mere intensity of his focus, now the pale shade of firelight glinting off gold instead of its usual deep amber.  
  
Sesshoumaru might be able to hide all of his emotions and even his rare smile behind his emotionless masks, but his eyes had always shone with his heart's true workings, like a lighthouse on a chaotic stormy night. The only beacon of hope in a desolately chaotic, cold sea of death and darkness.  
  
He might be able to force cold apathy into them even when he did not feel it to mask whatever other emotions he was feeling, but they would always flicker just under the surface like colorful koi caught beneath the frozen surface of a garden pond.  
  
Inuyasha was the same way, his eyes gave away his every emotion and thought. It was one of the few things they had in common, Kagome noticed. Though when she had started to compare the two in her mind she would never know. Maybe to remind herself that they were truly in fact nothing alike..  
  
But while Inuyasha's eye shone one simple emotion or thought at the time easy to read and precious in its earnest simplicity, Sesshoumaru's burned with an intense complexity that was impossible to decipher. With him things were never so simple, every emotion and thought that flickered under the surface of his eyes, hidden by that ever present icy aloofness, was entwined with a dozen others, making it impossible to even try to understand.  
  
However, Kagome seriously doubted that many people knew that about the frigid young man with lazily hooded beautiful eyes that made him appear constantly bored and hid the shadows of his true self that flitted beneath the ice in them. When he wished, his gaze could radiate a presence all of its own so imposing that it thickened the air and commended respect and obedience. Kagome swore that in a past life he must have been a lord of some sort, and knowing him probably a cuttingly tight-reigned one as well.  
  
She fought down the rising urge to squirm and blush like a schoolgirl under the weight that unswerving gaze. She might not be as able to hide her emotions as well as her cool-headed friend, but that didn't mean she had to embarrass herself by reacting like a silly little girl. She was 19 years old for kami's sake! Momentarily distracted from the momentous question as she felt her mutinous cheeks warm with a telltale flush, she managed to finally wrench her gaze away.  
  
Noticing her distraction, Sesshoumaru repeated his question with a more demanding tone to his voice.  
  
"Kagome, tell me, what past do you have with my brother?"  
  
Snapped back to reality with a cruel jolt, all of the events that had led to her heartbreak came flooding back with the vengeful force of one that would no longer be ignored.  
  
However, surprisingly enough, it no longer hurt as much...  
  
The mind-shattering pain of having her entire soul exposed to the world and ripped to shreds was gone. She was finally ready to really talk about it.  
  
To tell someone everything,  
  
more specifically to tell him..  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
A few stray damp locks of hair that had managed to escape from her high ponytail joined her bangs in managing to cling to her sweaty face as she bid her students good-bye for the day.  
  
Watching the long line of exhausted students limping out of the room, Miroku smirked from his languid position leaning against the wall of one of the dojo's many practice rooms.  
  
"At least I know that I'm not the only one that willingly suffers from the hands of such a beautiful battle goddess," he commented.  
  
Sango rolled her eyes, even as her cheeks glowed with a blush that she would claim to her dying days was from exertion.  
  
"Well, I warned them when they signed up for this class that it was challenging," she stubbornly maintained in her defense.  
  
"Challenging yes, back-breakingly cruel no," Miroku smoothly replied as he handed his girlfriend a small towel.  
  
"I'm not that tough on them," retorted Sango as she thankfully wiped her face with the towel.  
  
"Besides the ones that couldn't take it left already," she said, remembering the curious way about three-fourths of her male students had suddenly dropped the class about three months into it. Coincidentally, that was the same time Miroku started to sit in during her classes and act ridiculously affectionate and possessive even for him..  
  
Miroku watched as Sango threw the towel over her shoulder and pushed her heavy bangs out of her eyes.  
  
The sweat from her recent workout caused her arms to glisten slightly as she raised them above her head and slightly arched her back in a stretch. Miroku's amethyst gaze was fixated on the way the thin material of her practice outfit slid over her strong, lithe muscles and generous curves.  
  
And inevitably, his mind began to wander to other situations in which she would arch her back that way..  
  
Distracted from his lecherous musings as Sango dropped her arms and prepared to leave the room, he quickly fell into step next to her.  
  
Placing a strong arm around her waist, he pulled her close and leaned down to give her a chaste kiss on the lips, only to have his mischievous hand slowly slip downwards..  
  
Sango smiled at her love's tender actions filling her deep brown eyes with warmth. Suddenly feeling Miroku's hand start to voyage south, sparks of fight began to flicker in her eyes. Sparks, which the carefully watching Miroku knew would continue light her eyes until they were twin fires of fury filled with the promise of much pain for the unwitting boyfriend if he did not stop.  
  
Admiring the swift change in her eyes from calming warmth to a dangerous fierceness, Miroku heard the beginning of a deep growl.  
  
"Miroku move that hand back to were it belongs or I will make sure that children will not even be POSSIBLE for you."  
  
With his patented I'm-too-innocent-for-anything-like-that look, Miroku smiled sweetly as his hand made a quick retreat, settling for making soothing circles on the small of her back, as he watched her eyes soften once again, the sparks retreating into a candle-like warmth that never failed to draw him in.  
  
'Kami-sama, I love her,' he thought with a sigh as she leaned her head on his chest. 'And to think I was almost stupid enough to lose her...'  
  
* * * * * * * *Flashback * * * * * * * *  
  
A teenage boy with his usually jovial eyes tired sat on the massive steps of the high school with his head in his hands.  
  
A slight girl in a green school uniform sat down next to him, and looked upon him with first angry then compassionate eyes, as took in his state.  
  
"What happened?" Miroku asked with his head still bent, unable to look her in the eyes, his voice strained and sorrowful.  
  
"You mean after you made out with that random freshman-what was her name? Kohaku?- and then groped Sango in front of the entire school?  
  
Well, aside from the whole crying and slapping you, not to mention telling you that she hated you and to I quote 'never ever, come near me again you lecherous bastard' she got a ride home with Inu yasha and me. We just dropped her off.  
  
How could you have done that, Miroku?  
  
This was supposed to be YOUR first date, as in you and Sango, and the LAST chance you would ever have with her. You know how much it took for her to open up to you like that and go. How could you expect her to forgive you after this? Unless you don't want her too.."  
  
Kagome peered at him, imploringly searching for the answer that she was sure she could find if she could just look deep enough.  
  
Suddenly Miroku surprised Kagome by throwing his head back and giving a sharp bark of bitter laughter.  
  
"Well, you know me, Kagome. I'm just your neighborhood lecher. I couldn't help myself."  
  
She didn't think that she had ever heard so much bitterness and regretful resignation in his voice.  
  
Staring at his hunched form, Kagome again noticed the stark difference between the depressed form in front of her and the normally, constantly upbeat boy that teasingly groped her best friend and always seemed to have a joking, gibe response to everything.  
  
'He looks so defeated' she thought with sadness. That was what had first stopped her from smacking the young man hard for hurting her friend. The exhaustion and misery that was etched into every line of his body, and the distinct difference it was from the young man he normally was. It was as if he lacked the energy to even fake a decent carefree mask, or maybe he just didn't care anymore..  
  
And there was only one reason she could think of for that, which caused her anger to rush back in full force and all of her compassion to be temporarily pushed onto a back burner.  
  
"Liar!" she hissed with enough force to shock him into looking her in the eyes, finally giving her a perfect view of his downtrodden gaze and the exhausted shadows that seemed to be permanently seeped into his eyes.  
  
But that did not stop her tirade, once her temper was set off it ran its course, especially in situations like this when something so important was at stake.  
  
"That's not true and you know it!  
  
I've seen you with other girls, Miroku, and some of them practically offer to give you a lap dance when you bat an eyelid.  
  
As much as I hate to admit it, you're charming, sweet, and attractive. You could have at least a dozen other girls in the school, and yet you remain single.  
  
And don't give me any of that not-wanting-to-get-tied-down-because-there- are-so-many-beautiful-girls-and-so-much-Miroku-to-go-around garbage, because I know you well enough to know that that isn't true.  
  
There's a reason you ask girls to 'bear your child' and not just sleep with you. You want a relationship, someone to spend time with and be your companion, as well as your lover.  
  
If you were looking for simple sex, you could have it from a thousand other sources, but you insist on going after the one girl that wouldn't.  
  
And if you tried even a quarter of the genuine charm that you use on those sluts on Sango she would be melting. And I don't mean that 'give one overly flowery compliment and couple it with a quick grope either'.  
  
So why, Miroku, why?"  
  
Miroku felt the barefaced honesty of those eyes and the earnest imploring tone of that voice slowly pull the truth from him, and for once he could care less.  
  
He just felt so tired, and sick of it all. Even he was entitled to give-in a little bit, and after everything that he had just given up...  
  
he didn't feel like fighting anymore, not tonight.  
  
"I'm dying," he finally muttering looking away from the completely shocked expression he knew was gracing the face that had only seconds before been so filled with justified fury.  
  
"What. How..?" she finally managed to gasp out, in a voice barely above a whisper, her eyes still round with shock.  
  
Miroku sighed deeply and lay down to rest his head against the cold stone of the steps until he was lying completely across one of the many large steps. Closing his eyes to the stars that seemed to shine brightly and cheerfully in the peaceful night sky, he said, "It's a looong story."  
  
Settling in after finally regaining her composure, Kagome replied, "I'm listening."  
  
"My grandfather used to work for this corporation called 'Naraku no Onigumo'. Huh, I guess it's never really a smart thing to work for a company that's name is 'hell spider'.  
  
Somehow or another, nobody really knows how anymore, the company hushed it up,--amazing what money can do-my grandfather was exposed to some very dangerous, very experimental chemicals.  
  
At the time he was a fairly young man, and the company claimed that there would be no negative side effects, so he settled down, got married, and had a son,  
  
my father.  
  
When my father was about three years old, my grandfather started to become sick.  
  
It turns out that the chemicals had somehow altered his genetic makeup, so now he was dying from cancer. It slowly ate away at him from the inside out, for a looong time,  
  
and my father and grandmother had to live with that.  
  
They had to watch as one of the most important people in their lives slowly died from something they couldn't help fight against.  
  
He was only thirty years old when he finally passed away.  
  
They weren't sure at the time if the gene was passed onto my father, but it soon became evident that he wouldn't live to ripe old age either.  
  
My mother had died in childbirth so he was all that I had left, and he sent me away when he knew that his time was coming close. He didn't want me to see him that way, all broken and dying. He didn't want my last memory of him to be the same one he had of his father.  
  
He died at thirty-one.  
  
In all those years, there's still no cure.  
  
Our family tried to sue to company, but the most we could get them to do was develop a test for the genetic mutation that led to the cancer.  
  
But that test can't be taken until the body has fully grown and reached its prime, which basically means that I can't know for sure whether or not I'm going to die until about 5 years before I actually do.  
  
But everything considering, chances are I'm going to die."  
  
Kagome sat in stunned silence, absorbing the information that she had just been given.  
  
"Oh, Miroku," she said sadly, "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why did you keep all this to yourself for so long?"  
  
"I don't need the pity of other's, Kagome."  
  
Kagome sadly gazed down upon the boy lying beside her, and felt the sudden urge to protect him from all the troubles that the world had unfairly weighed down upon his shoulders. But then again, the world was never fair was it...  
  
She was amazed at how he could joke and clown around all the time with them, and act completely normal while he held this enormous, crushing secret in his heart.  
  
'He must have a very strong spirit.  
  
And he must be used to taking care of everything himself...  
  
to not being able to trust anyone to take care of anything for him..'  
  
"What does that have to do with why you drove Sango away tonight?"  
  
This new question brought another bitter snort of laughter.  
  
"What do I have to offer her, Kagome? Seriously, I've seen my grandmother since her husband's death. She's a lost woman, a broken shadow of everything that she used to be. I couldn't do that to Sango.  
  
She's different...  
  
she's special. She's not just a girl, she's my friend, my comrade. Someone I want by my side for all of eternity. The only thing is that just when her life is starting, mine will be ending.  
  
I don't have an eternity to give her."  
  
"Don't you think that you should let her decide for herself?" Kagome asked quietly, all of her previous anger gone.  
  
"She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't understand everything that she would be giving up. I couldn't let her make that choice."  
  
"Why not!?!" Kagome demanded, feeling her previously abating anger rise slightly, "You said that you respected her, so respect her enough to let her make her own decision.  
  
It affects her as much as it does you, and it's not fair to take that right away from her!  
  
Not fair at all!  
  
Sango is smart, Miroku, she's not some childish, teenage girl who gives her heart away at the drop of a hat. She's seen all of the horrible things that life has to offer, and she knows the consequences of her actions.  
  
This wouldn't be the first time that she's lost loved ones, and she survived then too. She's strong, Miroku. Let her choose for herself,"  
  
"Choose to bind herself to a man that'll be dead by the time he's thirty with the only children he can give her resigned to the same fate?  
  
Choose to watch as he slowly withered away with her heart cracking bit by bit day by day?" he asked angrily sitting up to glare at her.  
  
Never wavering and with an air of the center of a storm, an air of impenetrable and ultimate calm, Kagome looked him straight in the eyes and said with complete conviction,  
  
"Yes."  
  
From then on, "Kagome" had never seemed to quite fit the young woman who had spoken with him that night.  
  
She had held all the nobility of a lady from 500 years ago, and none of the immature naivete of a simple schoolgirl.  
  
That was the night that in his mind she had changed from simply Kagome to Kagome-sama,  
  
for she truly was a lady, with scores of untapped power waiting to be found...  
  
* * * * * * End Flashback* * * * * *  
  
Leaning back to rest her back against the side of the ottoman, Kagome took a deep breath and began her story, allowing the rush of memories to overtake her. Sesshoumaru did not move from his position on the couch, only patiently waited for the explanation to come, letting the past flow into her mind.  
  
"Ano..When I was 15 years old, I moved from my home town to my grandfather's shrine with my mother and Souta. We were having financial problems.  
  
That was were I first met Sango, Miroku, and your brother. I guess you had just graduated;  
  
anyway, no one ever told me that Inuyasha had a brother, which is why I was more than a little shocked today.  
  
I became close to Sango and Miroku fairly quickly,  
  
but Inuyasha seemed to always try to be so closed-off." By now Kagome had a distant, unfocused gaze and he knew that she was no longer looking at him, but the figures and memories from her past.  
  
"Slowly I became closer and closer to Inu yasha though it wasn't easy. Every time he did or said anything remotely sweet he would tack on an insult or act so rude and gruff.  
  
I never understood why until later..  
  
But Mama was right his actions spoke louder than his words, or maybe I just misheard them. He would always act so protective of me and think of all of these small things to do to make my life easier.  
  
I thought that meant he cared about me and maybe he did.  
  
Just not enough.  
  
Before I knew it, I had fallen in love with him..  
  
I don't know how it happened; it sort of snuck up on me. I never meant to fall in love with him; I was young and naïve, well... more naïve than I am now anyway.  
  
I had always thought that my first love would be some sweet, mild-mannered dashing knight in shining armor. But somewhere along the way, that image had morphed into a rude, immature teenage boy, and my knight in shining armor just seemed so...well... boring.  
  
I had always thought that I would be too smart to fall for a guy like that, but I guess I wasn't as smart as I thought..  
  
I guess that part of me reached out for him like a drowning man to a floating lifesaver. I had felt so lost and disjointed, moving away from the town in which I had grown up and had so many memories.  
  
Inuyasha was something safe and secure that I could hold onto, something strong I could brace myself against all the confusion I felt.  
  
Finally, I managed to risk it all and tell him about my feelings, and surprisingly enough he admitted that he felt the same way. We were together for a year,  
  
before everything fell apart.  
  
A girl named Kikyou moved back into town. Apparently, she was Inuyasha's first love, but he had never told me about her. Then again, Inuyasha always did have a knack for leaving out the most important information.  
  
She'd moved away about 5 months before I arrived, and he never really got over it. When I confronted him though, he promised me that I was the one that was in his life now and that she was only in his past. He admitted that he still loved her though, that perhaps he would always lover her, because she was his first true love, but that it was me that he wanted by his side.  
  
About a month later, I found them kissing in the park, and finally figured out that it had been a horrible lie, and that what a fool I'd been," she said with no small amount of betrayal, hurt, and bitterness laced in her oddly meek voice.  
  
"On hindsight, I suppose I should have known. I really have no right to be as surprised as I was.  
  
He had never really been all there for me. Even when we were laughing and just being happy with each other, part of him was always missing, not quite there.  
  
And he had never told me that he loved me, even when I had told him. I had written it off as his inability to unlock his emotions. In a way, I'm sort of glad, at least I know he didn't lie about that.  
  
I know that he did care for me, but he did not love me, not the way he loved her.  
  
When we had first met, he had mistaken me for her, and even now I know, perhaps stupidly, that eventually he saw me for myself. It's just that myself wasn't enough.  
  
I guess that when you're in love, you learn to ignore a lot of things.  
  
He was my first love and I have poured everything I had into him. So when he left, I just felt so rejected and shattered.  
  
My mother found out and saw what had happened to me, and she was furious. She's always been so overprotective of me and Souta, wanting us to be happy more than anything else, wanting to make up for the loss of one parent by doubling her efforts to being the perfect mother.  
  
She sent me away to a boarding school for my senior year of high school, so I could try to leave my past behind and heal a little bit before I had to face everything again. And I was glad for the chance.  
  
And I hadn't seen him since, until today that is." Kagome finished with a sigh, drawing up her legs from underneath her, and curling in on herself wrapping her arms around her legs.  
  
Resting her chin on her knees, Kagome watched to see Sesshoumaru's reaction to her story, which not to her surprise was outwardly small.  
  
But over the years she had learned enough of his mannerisms to know that he was surprised. His usually heavily lidded golden eyes were slightly less so, and brow was mildly creased, though not enough so that anyone else would have noticed.  
  
What surprised her the most was the ease with which the story flew from her lips in Sesshoumaru's presence.  
  
Not even Sango and Miroku had heard the whole story of what had happened; they only knew that Inuyasha had done something stupid to break her hear and drive her away.  
  
But with Sesshoumaru she felt comfortable, relaxed, and more secure than she did anywhere else. After telling him her story, she felt a sort of weight lift off of her, and the familiar pain dimmed further than even time had soothed it until it was merely an ache from a past long ended.  
  
The memory of the betrayal and broken heart and spirit still hurt, but her heart had mended along with her spirit and the betrayal no longer seemed so important.  
  
'When did this happen?' Kagome thought to herself as she continued her self- evaluation.  
  
'And why does being with Sesshoumaru ease the pain and stress from all the bad things in the world, when even my other friends and family couldn't help me with those?'  
  
To distract herself from the disturbing and confusing thoughts, she quickly asked Sesshoumaru something that had been plaguing her mind since that morning.  
  
"Sesshou, why didn't you ever mention your brother? Actually I don't remember you ever talking about your family." she blurted out in a rush, internally wincing at the harsh thoughtlessness and insensitivity of her words.  
  
'Great job, Kagome, you baka. You know Sesshoumaru doesn't like to talk about his family. You just got him to relax and told him something so important. And now you've gone and ruined it all.'  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Sesshoumaru gazed at the girl that sat before him staring into his eyes, but not really seeing him, lost in her own memories.  
  
She trusts me, he thought in slight awe,  
  
she trusts me enough to tell me all of this and be completely comfortable about it.  
  
For someone, like Sesshoumaru, who didn't exactly inspire trust in others, this was stunning, and actually made him happy.  
  
He had seemed to always invoke the 'run and hide' reflex rather than 'trust and confide' one in others. Strangely enough, he had never found it so...  
  
disturbing or even lonely...until now.  
  
This had resulted in a reserved young man, who was not accustomed to anybody confiding in him such personal and obviously traumatic stories.  
  
Everybody had always seemed to expect him use any information they gave him against them, and while not a completely false assumption, who could blame him if he felt the same towards everybody.  
  
Everybody that is but Kagome...  
  
Distracted from his thoughts by Kagome's swift, if tactless, change of subject, he refocused his wandering attention on her and noticed the slightly anxious tension that seemed to carve every line of her body as she intently studied his face for his reaction to her thoughtless question.  
  
But that was what made her special, he thought with resignation, the question really had been thoughtless with no hidden objectives or double entendres. And he knew it.  
  
She had just bared to him a painful piece of her past. One that she had kept hidden away even from her closest friends. And he had to show her that it meant something to him, to repay her..  
  
for her innocent trust if nothing else.  
  
With that in mind his eyes fluttered closed as he prepared to divulge his past in a way that was completely new to the reserved boy.. (A/N:: hmm, should I end here, after all it is pretty long. ::sees menacingly sharp pitchforks and torches in the distance:: umm.. maybe not..)  
  
He saw her watch him with curiosity as he gracefully slid off of the couch to sit on the floor Indian-style with his back leaning against the side of the couch and eyes fixated on hers. After setting in, he started his story,  
  
"My family and I do not exactly get along. We have not for many, many years," he started, unsure of how to begin, which was defiantly unusual for him. Noticing his insecurity, Kagome gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile and waited for him to continue, not wanting to push him.  
  
"My mother and I were very close. For five years my childhood was almost idealistic..  
  
One night, I overheard an argument between my mother and father. At the time I hadn't understood what had happened, only that my father had said something to upset her. She stormed out of the house, obviously distraught,  
  
and I let her go...  
  
I had thought she needed time alone to get her emotions out, so I simply let her leave and waited patiently for her return, hoping that everything would work out in the end as it always did.  
  
But she came back..  
  
It had been a stormy night, and the between the rain and her emotions she was not a fit driver. She never even saw the oncoming car until it was too late.  
  
My father, then, desecrated her memory, by marrying his secretary soon after her funeral. She brought a one-year old son into the family, but I never accepted either one of them.  
  
It wasn't until years afterward that I discover that my mother had been so upset because my father had been sleeping with his secretary for over a year, and that the son that she had dragged into their miserable union was actually my half brother. I have never quite gotten along with my family after that. My father knows that I do not approve of his actions and so does the wench and her brat, " he finished with bitterness and faint traces of old, familiar anger.  
  
Though, Sesshoumaru had not said everything, Kagome could easily see the untold story evident lay hidden between the lines and written in the flickers of emotion that skittered across his face as he confessed his past to her.  
  
So he too had been innocent once, she thought with sadness.  
  
He too had trusted someone beyond everything else, and been betrayed, in some way.  
  
If the pain and old love in his eyes was any indication, he had cared for his mother a great deal, and had been deeply hurt when she never returned to him.  
  
Maybe that's why he cut himself off so much after that. He didn't want to be hurt again. He didn't want to love and lose again, or be hurt by love like his mother.  
  
'But.  
  
oh, Sesshou don't you see.  
  
At least she loved once. Even if she had her heart broken in the end, she did love. She wouldn't have wanted the son she loved so much never to fall in love, even if it did mean that he was hurt in the end. I wouldn't have given up my past with Inuyasha even if it did mean that I wouldn't have been hurt, because at least in the end I had loved.. even if only for a little while and even if I hadn't been loved in return.'  
  
And even his father hurt him. He betrayed Sesshoumaru, in so many ways. Sakura and Inuyasha couldn't have helped.  
  
No wonder such a wounded little boy had grown up to be such a cold young man. He was so injured by the world, when he was so young. I finally feel like I understand him, at least more than I ever have before, and maybe more than anyone has or can understand Sesshoumaru..  
  
With a smile she scooted around the coffee table until she sat beside Sesshoumaru. Resting her head on his shoulders, she felt him stiffen and then relax against the couch, as he placed one arm loosely around her small frame. Like it often was between them, no words were needed....  
  
(^.^)(^.^)  
  
A/N:: so how was that? IF you guys like it review!  
  
OMG OMG OMG!!!  
  
READ THIS!!! IF YOU NEVER READ THE A/N READ THIS ONE!  
  
By some miracle I actually got nominated for Single Spark's annual Fanfiction Contest in the Best Drama/Angst category. While I've read the other fics that I'm up against, and kno that I won't win, because they're just amazing.  
  
I would like to have some votes, so PLEASE PLEASE vote for my fic. As desperate as it sounds, I've always been a big fan of this website, and would like to at least not completely embarrass myself.  
  
The website is http:// members.   
  
You have to retype it without the spaces. I just put those there so that the ff.net filters wouldn't suck it out. Thnx for voting it you do!  
  
I'll try to be quicker with the next update. 


	12. ANOTHER AN

Hey! Sorry not an update. Just realized that the stupid ff.net filters wouldn't show the site. So if you guys want the site to vote, just check on my bio. I'll put it as my HOMEPAGE. Thanks to all the reviews i can't believe so many people reviewed so quickly you guys rule. Thank you to everyone that reads and enjoys this fic.  
  
Ja ne  
  
Pheonix 


	13. WakeUp Calls

GAH SOOOOO UNBELIEVABLY SORRY! I beg for your forgiveness! SORRY! I kno I;m sooooo late. I tried to be faster but I hit major writer's block!  
  
Bad author! Bad Bad author!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to all the loyal reviewers and readers that just didn't have the time to review that waited so long for it. And in particular to a very nice reviewer who I drove to begging and went to all the trouble of emailing me. U set my but in gear.  
  
ON a brighter note::  
  
WOOOHOOOO!!! Not only did I hit 300 reviews YAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Trust me I read all of them, I just haven't had a chance to post review responses yet, which I will be doing tom.  
  
I also won second place in the Single Spark's annual Award for Best Angst! YAY!!  
  
BTW since people seem to only either read the top or bottom A/N I;m putting this on both, cuz its sorta important  
  
D: INU NOT MINE!  
Wake-up Calls  
  
The early morning sunlight danced across the conflicting chaos of swirling midnight black, and pristine white that lay scattered across the two sleeping forms. The young man's features were softened to the point of almost gentleness, and the cold aloofness that was engraved into every line of his face during his waking hours was abandoned.  
  
His arm lay loosely around the shoulders of the girl that was contently snuggled against his strong, lean form, her head resting on his chest and her body slightly curled up against his.  
  
Sometime during the night her arms had found their way around his waist, a situation sure to cause much blushing and embarrassment when the girl awoke.  
  
With his head bent facing her, as if he had fallen asleep staring at her softly closed eyes, his face was buried in the soft, obsidian nest of her hair, breathing in her calming scent with his deep, slumbering breathes.  
  
Her face was completely relaxed and secure as if she knew that in those arms none of the world's evils and pains could touch her,  
  
as long as she stayed in those arms...  
  
Feeling a strange warmth and weight at his side, Sesshoumaru frowned as he felt himself awake with confusion. The muscles of his back ached as if he had not slept in his bed, and he felt oddly calm and rested, which contrasted sharply with his normal night terrors.  
  
The nightmares he could only avoid if he worked himself into oblivion before finally succumbing to a dreamless sleep.  
  
But even then he had always awoken to a feeling of emptiness, as if there was something missing, an aching gap that left him cold and alone.  
  
However, today he felt only peace and contentment, as if he could stay in this half-awake state for the all of eternity where as he usually had no trouble waking and throwing himself into the day to forget the troubles of his nights.  
  
A small shift in movement brought his attention down to the sleeping girl that was the cause of the warmth at his side.  
  
He dazedly stared down at the slumbering goddess, tracing the lines of her delicate face with his half-closed golden eyes before his sluggish brain finally recognized who it was.  
  
Those very same eyes widened with surprise as his mind was drop-kicked into alertness, trying to remember how they had fallen asleep that way.  
  
Remembering the events of last night, his arm unconsciously tightened around her as he viciously vowed to himself that he would not allow his brother to break her heart again.  
  
'No, that fucking bastard will never hurt her again. He'll never get another chance to. Not while I draw a single fucking breathe?!?'  
  
Surprised by the vehemence of the statement, he blinked several times as he continued to stare at the sleeping girl lying beside him.  
  
The soft puffs of air she caused as she slowly breathed in and out disgruntled the sea of sharply contrasting black and white that had somehow managed to intermingle and lay across both of their shoulders.  
  
Her features were so completely relaxed, lacking the constant, exuberant energy she seemed to radiate when she was awake. Without it, she seemed so much more tired and.....  
  
fragile....  
  
She was so much smaller, so utterly defenseless lying next to him, still resting in a deeply unconscious sleep, completely oblivious to the world around her.  
  
This was the first time he had ever seen her so still he thought with amusement.  
  
The gentle rise and fall of her chest was soothing him beyond reason and he soon felt himself fall back asleep, succumbing to the calming presence that flowed off the sleeping girl in waves, for once completely content to allow life to take him where it would, and simply go along for the ride.  
  
For once, simply able to give up control and trust in someone else enough to do so.....  
  
'This is surprisingly pleasant......' he thought as he felt his eyelids slowly slide shut.  
Just as he began sink back into sleep, he felt a face bury itself in his chest, and squeeze his torso tightly.  
  
Not bothering to suppress his amused smile, he looked down at the still half-awake girl clinging to him comfortably, as she slowly turned a fascinating shade of scarlet.  
  
Despite his better judgement he couldn't bring himself to mind the girl's tight, affectionate hold on his person.  
  
It was an admittedly enjoyable sensation...  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Her thick, dark eyelashes gently brushed against her skin as she felt the irritating morning sun demand her return to the waking world.  
  
Crinkling her eyes against the disturbance she squirmed deeper into the solid, warm "pillow" at her side, still within the bounds of sleep.  
  
Kagome smiled as she felt herself rise from the silken folds of her dream. She felt so unbelievably safe and secure, and most of all free.  
  
Free from all the pains that had tormented her dreams for so long: the guilt, the betrayal, and the crushing weight of her unappreciated, unrequited, and forsaken love.  
  
It was as if she was back in her mother's womb, completely trusting in her surroundings and naive, knowing with a certainty that she would be protected, but not quite knowing by what.  
  
Sheltered from even the harsh light of the outside world by an all- encompassing calm, she felt a gentle warmth infuse her body from head to toe and surround her very soul.  
  
She absently mindedly wondered what had caused this drastic change, as she buried her face further into her pillow and hugged it closer to her, deeply inhaling the fine, distinctly masculine scent of sandal wood, parchment, and something else,  
  
Something mysterious and indiscernible that always alluded her grasp, but comforted her none the less.  
  
'Wait.  
  
MASCULINE!' she thought as she shut her eyes tightly in denial, her face flushed to an unhealthy shade of red.  
  
Slowly fitting the clues together...  
  
Sandalwood and parchment...  
  
Masculine...  
  
Calm..  
  
SHIT!  
'Why in the world am I waking up with my face buried in Sesshoumaru's chest?' she thought to herself, her mind in a state of disheveled half- panic, desperately trying to remember how she ended up in this situation, while simultaneously combating the blush she knew was staining her cheeks.  
  
'And why aren't I moving away?!?' she thought, forcefully attempting to shove away the last traces of the sleep from her drowsy mind as complete confusion and embarrassment took over.  
  
'Because it feels right, and makes you feel safe.  
  
Not to mention the fact that waking up in the arms of a gorgeous guy isn't the worst way to be embarrassed,' an annoyingly rebellious, though admittedly sensible, inner voice whispered.  
  
'Gah! BAD thoughts!  
  
Very very very bad thoughts!  
  
Don't have time for that right now.'  
  
Finally, to her great relief, memories from the last night trickled down through her scattered memory banks, calming her down significantly.  
  
Kagome lifted her sleep heavy eyes to a fierce golden gaze that rivaled the sun in brilliance. Somewhere in the dazed recesses of her mind, she noticed that he was the cause of the pleasant warmth that surrounded her.  
  
Faintly smiling a very shy smile, though her cheeks were still unnaturally rosy, she looked Sesshoumaru in the face.  
  
Sesshoumaru felt himself slowly sink into the infinite softness that lay in her still sleep leaden eyes.  
  
Secretly, he felt proud that he was one of the few people that she showed this side to, this gentle vulnerability that was usually lost in all of her exuberant energy and constant cheerfulness.  
  
The same energy that seemed, through sheer force, to push away all those that came too close to truly reaching her with a friendly politeness that deceived all those around her.  
  
Except for him that was.  
  
For whatever insane reason he had earned her trust, more trust that she gifted any other. Even her closest friends were not privy to this side of her. Did not think to see past the cheerful walls she hid herself behind.  
  
Though he would never admit it, he valued her trust more than he did anything else. He was one of the few that understood that she hid behind her mask of constant, almost explosive jubilant vitality as much as he did behind his of cold arrogance.  
  
And while he pushed away all those around him with his patented death glare and a chilly air able to put permafrost to shame, she would never allow him to.  
  
Aggressively friendly, she seemed unavoidable; showing up at every corner, forcing him into the very human relations that he had spent most of his life evading.  
  
Despite all of his cold behavior and cruel, indifferent remarks, she had persisted. For some unknown, unforeseeable reason she had worked to drag him out of his self-isolation into the light, no matter what obstacle he threw in her way.  
  
And he was determined to repay his debt to her in full, if he ever truly could.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * *  
  
Kagome limped through the halls, it had been almost three weeks since her little "accident", and she had still yet to come to a definitive judgement on her savior.  
  
He had saved her.  
  
But it went against all of her previous observations of him.  
  
The kind man, who had carried her all the way to the infirmary despite the fact that she had behaved so badly, desperately clashed with the arrogant jerk, who had looked down on her so coldly-as if she were nothing more than a bothersome insect, who had dared to buzz by his ear-and seemed so dead- set to make her life miserable.  
  
And since then he had spared her no further notice, treating her just as, or possibly slightly worse than, he did the other freshmen, whom he apparently thought of as irritating, cowering sheep he was forced to talk at everyday.  
  
His class was one of the most difficult she had yet to take, and she found, much to her dismay, that Sango was right.  
  
The professor, was nothing more than a simpering half-dead toad that was not only practically deaf, but also fairly incompetent.  
  
For the most part he only actually taught half of the classes, leaving Sesshoumaru to prepare and sometimes even recite the entire lecture.  
  
An extremely tedious event for the students until Sesshoumaru finally just began to teach the class himself out of pure irritation with the incompetent idiot, who no respect for whatsoever and with good cause.  
  
Kagome was amazed that the ancient professor had yet to retire or be fired, but simply put it down to the horrors of tenure.  
  
The class was basically left to the will of Sesshoumaru, who seemed to get his kicks assigning them heinous papers and giving impossible pop quizzes whenever the mood struck him. Apparently after this unspoken agreement had arisen between the TA and professor, things ran much more smoothly and much more torturously for the students.  
  
'I mean he had to grade them, right?  
  
Wouldn't that make him want to give out fewer pop quizzes' thought Kagome with woe after spending yet another night cramming part of the extensive history of Feudal Japan into her poor feeble mind.  
  
'Then again, the cruel jerk probably thinks its worth it to see us suffer.'  
  
On the other hand, that class did drive her to do her best, mostly because anything less would have left her with a failing grade.  
  
She had never known the true extents of her abilities until she was as severely pushed as she was in that class.  
  
But even he would have to admit that once she realized what she was capable of, she could kick intellectual ass.  
  
It had begun to mutate into something resembling a competition between the two, though a covert one. After his repeated insult, she spent not a few nights, studying and researching extra material for that class, hoping to be able to throw him off with some fact or theory that he had not thought of or did not know in class or find some hole in his thinking.  
  
She also found herself with a growing, though grudging, admiration for her white-haired tormentor. He might give out dreadful pop quizzes and exams, but he seemed to genuinely know the information.  
  
He was ridiculously informed of the era, and seemed to understand not only the events, but the motivations, thoughts, and culture as well, to an extent that Kagome could have sworn he had actually lived through them.  
  
Kagome giggled as she thought of the haughty man, toiling in rice paddies while wearing peasant clothing.  
  
'He'd probably end up being one of those blood thirsty, warrior lords: snotty and willing to chop off you head for disrespect.'  
  
However, the only reflection of all her efforts was that she held the highest place in the class. A truly amazing feat, since it seemed that all of the 'softer' students had dropped like flies within the first week of class, leaving only the most competitive 'cream of the crop' in their wake.  
  
He, however, did not acknowledge any of it, treating her as if she were just another moronic student out for an easy A.  
  
But even so, he had save her, right?  
  
How he had happened to be in that wing of the library, she had no idea. But he had saved her, and carried her all the way to the infirmary on the other side of the campus, even after her insults, and made sure that she was in safe hands before disappearing.  
  
She felt a small pang of guilt as she realized that she had let her initial judgement of the man make her behave so rudely.  
  
After all its takes a special kind of idiot to try to climb up a gigantic, not to mention ancient, if the thick layer of dust on the thing had been any indication, bookcase to get a book, instead of calling for help or getting a ladder.  
  
But another entirely new LEVEL of stupid to then try to walk away from her rescuer-across a huge college campus-to the infirmary on a sprained ankle with a severely banged up arm.  
  
Not only that but she hadn't even gotten the book she climbed up the damned thing to get.  
  
And of course, she even went as far as to insult the guy after he dragged her no-doubt heavy, unconscious body out of the library, where it would have taken only kami-sama knows how long for somebody to find her.  
  
Make that a mammoth stab of guilt..  
  
She really owed him her thanks, not to mention apology for yelling at him after he had so generously tried to help her. No matter how rude he had been about it.  
  
Setting her shoulders with a determination borne of obligation, she set out to find her TA.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Sesshoumaru sat the desk of the empty classroom, marking the pop quiz he had given one of his classes not a day ago.  
  
Honestly, this was ridiculous. He might as well be teaching all of the old fart's classes.  
  
Hell, he was teaching all of his classes. This had gone far beyond anything that he had expected when he had agreed to the position.  
  
Though the arrangement did suit him, in an odd, twisted way.  
  
He had always found it difficult to be subordinate to others, and would have had difficulties obeying the geyser and treating him as an esteemed elder.  
  
This way he held full control over the class, which suited him much more.  
  
Though recently, he found himself spending more and more time preparing for and dealing with one class in particular.  
  
He now spent most of his free time grading the papers he constantly assigned his students, not to mention the time he spent preparing and marking the exams and pop quizzes he gave out. And researching various information and theories so as not to be caught unawares by one fiery, student in particular..  
  
He had never before been so tough on a class, though he suspected that half of the reason, well admittedly all of the reason, was the irritating female that he had carried to the infirmary.  
  
An act that still baffled him.  
  
What in the seven hells had driven him to perform such an uncharacteristically and repulsively kind act?  
  
He wondered with slight revulsion.  
  
'It was her,' he realized with slight surprise.  
  
Never one for self-deception, he utterly despised it when others attempted to deceive him. And he found that the best way for him to root out festering weakness within himself was to find it first and be honest with himself about it when he did.  
  
He did feel a nominal amount of guilty for immaturely standing by so that he could watch her make a fool of herself.  
  
It almost as if he had to prove to himself that she was as much of a fool as the rest of them.  
  
She had thrown him off, in his class that day, he admitted ruefully.  
  
He had had to prove to himself that she was merely just another silly little girl, possessing woman's body, but without the mind, heart, or spirit to match.  
  
And also..  
  
It had just seemed wrong to see her lying there broken on the ground like that.  
  
'So helpless, when she had once seemed strong enough in her fury to even match this Sesshoumaru.'  
  
It just didn't seem right..  
  
He just couldn't let her stay there so broken and weak.  
  
As insane as it sounded, he wanted to see the fiery spirit that had so fearlessly challenged him that morning again.  
  
'I'm officially deranged' so thought the boy who had always believed that the only thing he wanted out of a person was their obedience.  
  
So he had made a fool of himself, trudging across campus with the unconscious girl sloppily but firmly draped across his arms like a sack of particularly lumpy potatoes.  
  
He had received not a few curious stares; all of which he quickly silenced with his trademark chilly glare, proven to produce hypothermia in the middle of a heat wave.  
  
The girl still proved to be a mystery to him. Surprising him with intellectual, original commentary in class, as well as information and concepts that no ordinary freshman, no matter how studious, could possibly have known.  
  
And there was always that defiant tilt to her head, whenever she spoke to him and the ways those cinnamon eyes seemed to be tainted with hostility whenever they looked at him.  
  
Distracted from his fruitless self-examination/semi-rant, he heard a small click as a certain dark-haired individual timidly walked into the room, letting the door almost silently swing shut behind her.  
  
The polished wooden scent of school and books filled the room.  
  
He smothered a faint sigh of annoyance, as he felt the girl nervously stand before his desk, obviously waiting for him to look up at her.  
  
After about two minutes of awkward silence on Kagome's part only occasionally interrupted by the faint scratching of pen on paper as Sesshoumaru continued his work, she finally cleared her throat and tried to get his attention.  
  
" Umm.. Kawamura-san" Kagome politely said.  
  
"Say what you must and leave," he curtly interrupted without looking up.  
  
'Well, of all the rude..' Kagome thought in a huff.  
  
Forcefully calming herself down with several deep breaths, she plastered a smile on her face, and braced herself.  
  
"I just came to apologize for my rude behavior, when you were helping me after my.umm. fall, and to thank you for your help.  
  
It was very nice of you," she quickly finished, not wanting to prolong her torment any longer. She nervously cast her eyes to the side, as she finally saw him lift his head.  
  
With a slow, meticulous care, he placed his pencil down, and pinned her in place with his unblinking gaze.  
  
A deer caught in headlights she could only stand frozen as she watched a painful death come rushing at her, in the guise of an arrogant TA.  
  
"Do not delude yourself.  
  
I, Sesshoumaru, was not acting out of some hidden need to assist you, nor do I require your thanks. Especially for something that occurred three weeks ago. If you had felt the need to redeem yourself and apologize to me, I would think you would do so before almost a month had passed.  
  
You are incredibly lucky that I did not simply leave you to your childish, unthinking folly, and leave you lying on that floor, instead of wasting my time, bringing you to the infirmary.  
  
If you had not been such a fool, you would have seen one of the many stepladders scattered throughout the library, eradicating the need for my assistance in the first place.  
  
Although it seems quite obvious that you are incapable of even such a simple task as retrieving a book from a shelf without seriously injuring yourself.  
  
Next time you act with so much asininity, which I have no doubt will be soon enough considering to whom I am speaking, do not think that I will hesitate to leave you to your mistake," he stated, every word dripping with disdain.  
  
While speaking, he had gathered all of his papers into one neat pile and now slowly stood from his seat, preparing to leave.  
  
Leaving a stunned Kagome behind, he headed toward the door. Pausing as he reached the door, he turned to look back at her over his shoulder and coldly informed her,  
  
"And. I. am. not. nice."  
  
Each word dropping from lips like a large, heavy diamond-a sharply cutting beauty- to land on the floor of the silent room with an audible clink that lasted long after the door had clicked shut behind him.  
  
* * * * * * * End Flash Back * * * * * * * *  
  
Kagome watched in amazement at the emotions flitting across his face. They were like rare and exotic dancers delicately floating along the elegant and tranquil planes of his beautiful face, as his breath lightly caressed her face.  
  
Suddenly realizing exactly how close their faces were, she turned, if humanly possible, even redder as all of the blood in her entire body seemed to rush to her face.  
  
'Hmmm, it can't possibly be healthy for a person to look that much like a tomato,' Sesshoumaru observed, nonchalantly, not nearly as affected by their nearness.  
  
'When did we get so close!?!?,' Kagome wondered in shock, 'We're almost close enough to kiss...'  
  
With that last thought, her mind, already in a somewhat frazzled and confused state due to her little morning surprise, teetered into full blown panic.  
  
She suddenly threw all of her weight back trying to scramble away from Sesshoumaru's disturbing closeness.  
  
Unfortunately, trying to suddenly pulling away from someone who has one arm around you can lead to some confusion and injured limbs.  
  
Suddenly pulling away from someone who had one arm around you when you have both arms tightly wrapped around their waist and are curled up against them can lead to nothing short of complete and utter chaos.  
  
After a few minutes of jumbled tumbling, scrambling, and muffled vibrant curses on the part of Sesshoumaru, who had somehow managed to be elbowed in the ribs twice by Kagome, they ended up in quite an awkward position.  
  
Kagome lay pinned underneath Sesshoumaru with his outstretched arms on either side of her head supporting his weight.  
  
The light of the sun was screened from the pair by a slightly tangled, silver curtain formed by Sesshoumaru's bent head, hiding them from outside view and giving the space between them a very intimate feeling.  
  
Both, slightly winded from the tussle, were panting, warming the air between them rapidly. The puffs of air issued from the two caused some of the tangled, white locks of hair to gently fall against Kagome's cheek, tickling them both.  
  
With noses almost touching and lips scant centimeters apart, a fascinating blush beginning to stain both of their cheeks...  
  
(A/N:: Me so evil ^_^ I love putting my characters in these situations, ok I'll be quiet now)  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
A teenage boy lay on sulking on his bed, glaring furiously at the ceiling with his hands cushioning his stubborn, thick-skulled head.  
  
'What the fuck were Miroku and Sango thinking not telling me where Kagome was.  
  
They know I've been looking for her for almost two fucking years now! Damnit! Why does everybody keep trying to keep me away from her?  
  
How the fuck am I supposed to explain things to her if I can't even talk to her..  
  
How am I supposed to make things right, like Sango wanted me to, if I can't even talk to her?  
  
(A/N:: Err. Inu-babe I think u misunderstood her point..)  
  
And of all the self-important, pretentious jackasses for her to meet up with, why in the seven hells did it have to be Sesshoumaru!  
  
I can't believe she's been with him, right under my nose, this entire fucking time!  
  
Besides what the hell was he even doing with her anyway? I thought he was to high and mighty to deal with ordinary "trash" like us.  
  
He's just like the rest of those snotty asses, looking down their noses at you. I'm surprised that he lowered himself to even talking to Kagome. The bastard.  
  
* * * * Flash Back * * * * * *  
  
A dark, young beauty with liquid, indigo eyes and a soft smile tucked the final strand of hair into place as she looked at her reflection.  
  
Turning around, she practically beamed down at the small, ebony-haired boy sitting on the bed.  
  
"So Inu-chan, how does Mommy look?" she asked, as she gave a small twirl causing a slight rustle of fabric as the navy blue silk of the long dress playfully swirled around her young body.  
  
The light glinted off the various pieces of elegant, though obviously expensive, jewelry that adorned her neck, wrists, and fingers. And her obsidian locks were carefully done up into a refined coif.  
  
The young boy stared in awe at his mother, unused to seeing her dressed so richly, and still not certain about what, exactly, had brought about this rapid change in their lives or what it meant for them.  
  
"You look very, very pretty, Mommy," he said with the whole-hearted enthusiasm of youth. "But do I have to wear these funny clothes?" he asked tugging at the collar of his finely made, miniature suit and squirming on comfortably on the bed.  
  
"Yes, dear," his mother answered sinking down to her knees in a sweep of midnight silk and softly shining gold so that she was now at eye level with him and swiftly readjusting his mussed clothes.  
  
"Inu-chan, Mommy needs to you behave really well tonight, because Daddy's having a BIG party tonight with all of his important friends. And Daddy needs his entire family to be on their best behavior including little boys. I know that you will be a big boy for Mommy and behave, ka?"  
  
"Of course, Mommy!" he chirped, excited to finally be considered old enough for such an important responsibility.  
  
"Will Mommy tell Nee-san too?" he asked curious to see how the distant brother he had recently acquired would behave during "Daddy's important party".  
  
Inquisitively, he looked down as his mother paused in her incessant readjusting of the tie just managed to loosen. However, she quickly regained her bearings, and nonchalantly responded,  
  
"I don't think so, Inu-chan. Sesshoumaru's much more used to this kind of thing than we are. He probably knows exactly how he's supposed to behave."  
  
"Oh, okay Mommy! You'll see I'll be a good boy tonight and make you and Daddy proud!"  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
A giant cloud of pretentious women with fake laughs and designer dresses and men reeking of alcohol and foul money filled the main hall of the manor with penguin-dressed servants weaving in and out of the crowd carrying trays of ambrosia and wine.  
  
A small boy, looking very uncomfortable, stood in a circle of women, all petting and cooing over how adorable he was.  
  
Every direction he turned he could see nothing, but fake smiles with lipstick stained teeth and sleek silk dresses that lacked the freshness and honest simplicity of his mother's.  
  
It was nothing but a cage of skinny women with charcoaled eyes that he couldn't escape, and he desperately fought the urge to cry.  
  
At the first the attention had been pleasant, and he had puffed up in pride at all of the nice things that they had said to him, but soon the never- ending cheek pinching and fake baby voices made him feel dizzy and suffocated.  
  
Finally, one of the sour-faced women spotted someone more important that she should be coddling up to and headed towards her new prey, drink in hand, leaving a small gap in the circle of Furies.  
  
Making a quick apology, Inuyasha squirmed out of the hole and made his escape. Judging that he had politely put up with the fawning shrew for long enough and that no one would miss him, he quickly began to search for a hiding place to wait until his mother came to send him to bed.  
  
Darting his eyes around in the manner of hunted animal on its last rope, he spotted a potted fern in the corner of the room, and swiftly dove behind it, making sure not to get any dirt on his clothes.  
  
Soon he saw a group of three tall figures walk over to the corner in which he hid, away from the larger mass of the party.  
  
The young boy froze, his breathes stilling to short, soft pants, as he prayed to every God and deity that he had every heard of that he would not be found and be shudder  
  
pinched again.  
  
Soon, a hushed conversation between the three set the boy's mind at ease. They seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that anybody else was anywhere near them, so immersed they were in their own conversation.  
  
Once he realized he was in no danger, he soon grew bored, and began to eavesdrop on the conversation, a decision he would soon come to regret.  
  
"I can't believe the nerve of that man," a husky masculine voice said, dripping with power and old money.  
  
"I know, honestly, he has no shame, bring that floozy and her bastard brat here," came from a grating female voice, the boy recognized as the woman who had been calling him a "darling child" moments before.  
  
"I'm not surprised at all to see that the boy looks exactly like his whore of a mother. Dull black hair and unnatural dark purple eyes.  
  
You can't expect much from that kind of lowered breeding.  
  
It's odd considering the fact that the older one looks almost exactly like Inutaisho," remarked a deceptively soothing, deep feminine voice, another from the circle of Furies.  
  
It was actually this one that had left to speak to someone more important, allowing him room to escape. Apparently she had found her "new prey".  
  
"When was the last time you've actually seen the child? He might have the same eyes and hair as his father, but his face is almost exactly that of his mothers.  
  
So unbelievably beautiful. It's almost creepy on the face of such a little, iron-faced boy," the man said "It's got to kill him that he basically murdered his wife for that slut, and still has to see her face everyday."  
  
"Hah! Quite the contrary, I think that he got everything that he wanted," the first female voice said while leaning forward,  
  
"You know I hear that when he first got married, his company was going down. I mean the family name is very old and powerful, but he was near bankrupt at the time.  
  
If it weren't for his blushing bride's money, his company would have collapsed. Then, almost a decade later he knocks up his secretary, tells his wife after keeping it a secret for god knows how long. And sends the poor woman to her grave." She concluded in a conspiratorial whisper.  
  
"So now the man has a flourishing company, a heir with two powerful family names behind him, and a pretty bimbo to warm his bed at nights. I would say that things turned out quite nicely for our dear Fugio, InuTaisho," the voice finished, leaning slightly back with a smug smile and an irritating giggle.  
  
"Yes, but its one matter to keep the wench to warm his bed at night and a completely different one to bring her here. I mean has he no respect for his dead wife or the rest of us?"  
  
"And what does the woman think she's wearing? She looks like a street pimp with all of that cheap, tacky gold jewelry!  
  
No sense of taste at all! But what can you really expect from such a low- class woman?"  
  
At this point the young Inuyasha finally realized exactly whom they were talking about, and dawning comprehension made him shake with anger and confusion.  
  
Who were these snotty, sour-faced people to insult his mother and father!  
  
He ran out from behind the potted fern, not caring if the three saw him, blindly heading away from them and to the safe arms of his mother.  
  
With tears streaming from his eyes, the young boy aimlessly ran out of the main hall of the party and into one of the intricate, marbled-tiled corridors of the mansion.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
After having made his short social appearance as per his father's order, Sesshoumaru wandered through the barren, corridors of the manor, avoiding the crowd of tittering fools gossiping over the last spark of social interest, his step-mother's first showing at a major function.  
  
Disgusted by the deceitful fawning of the ladies over his younger sibling and the whispered innuendo, or outright insults directed to his family, due to his father's folly, he had retreated to the abandoned halls of the manor.  
  
His miniature, Armani shoes made deliberate clicks as he strode down the hallway, searching for a library or secluded corner to wait out the storm of titillation.  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
The falsely illuminated corridor cast ghastly shadows around the various exotic potted plants that the inhabitants seemed to love so much.  
  
Tasteless in the young Sesshoumaru's far from naïve opinion.  
  
Hearing the soft thundering of quickly approaching little feet, he turned to have a small lump slam into his chest.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Inuyasha looked up to see what he had rammed into, rubbing his eyes to clear the tears that blurred his vision with one chubby fist.  
  
The first thing he saw was an eerily pale face and unnaturally beautiful silver hair tied in a neat low ponytail.  
  
Silver hair could only mean one of two people and the boy, while tall for his age, was far too small to be the imposing, invincible figure of his father.  
  
"Nee-san!" he cried out, temporarily forgetting the coldness that he older boy had always directed towards him.  
  
He wrapped his five-year old arms around his bother's waist, and buried his face in the itchy, unrelenting material of his suit, nipping his nose on a hard plastic button.  
  
"Nee-san, I heard some bad people say nasty things about me, Mommy, and Daddy!  
  
They had pinched faces and were calling her names like whore and slut! What do those names mean, Nee-san!?!  
  
Why did they say those mean things about us!?!" the distressed boy cried out, desperately clinging to his brother.  
  
His grip was the frantic grip of a child faced for the first time by the evils of the world, tense and needy like that of a drowning man.  
  
The waves of insulting laughing crashing down upon his unsheltered head, as biting, cold winds of masked insults tugged at his damp locks and cut, knife-like through every bone in his body with ice.  
  
The unrelenting tide attempted drag him under and the chaotic waters danced around him. He clings to his one preservation with an undying, white- knuckled hold fueled by the futile fire of ignorance.  
  
They might not be very close, but big brothers are supposed to make the world make sense and make everything better, right?  
  
They were supposed to protect you and make the world right again when things were bad.  
  
Unfortunately Sesshoumaru had apparently never gotten this memo.  
  
Abruptly Inuyasha found himself being shoved to the ground by a glaring Sesshoumaru, who was currently straightening the almost invisible wrinkles the over-enthusiastic hug from his brother had caused in his suit.  
  
"Don't touch me," he coldly stated, appearing not at all disturbed by the party-goers statement.  
  
He glared down at his half-brother with a coldly condensing and accusing eyes. Eyes that the young boy would never forget.  
  
"They said it because it was true."  
  
There was no sneer to his words, barely any emotion in them at all save an almost undetectable disgust. They were said with a conviction that would haunt for him for many nights; they were said as if they were true.  
  
And with those final words he sharply turned around and began to walk away from the fallen form of his baby brother.  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
Click  
  
The boy looked up from his position with hurt evident in his stunned eyes, fresh tears forming in their dark amethyst depths. A small, confused whimper escaped him as he raised one pudgy hand to the retreating back of his older brother.  
  
"Nee-san," he whispered, as fat tears slowly fell and meandered down his still infantile face.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
Sesshoumaru strode purposefully down the hall away from his weeping brother, his fist tightened in anger.  
  
It had served the brat right. He had stood by and watched as the deceitful shrews with false beauty cooed at his brother. A cold and distant ice prince hidden in the shadows.  
  
The same women who had once claimed to be loyal friends to his mother. The same women whom his mother would have spent her last breathe defending. Who had grown up with her and claimed to love her like a sister.  
  
They had all betrayed her, discarding her memory as a outgrown rag doll left to lay limp and forgotten on the floor, as they all flocked to her replacement.  
  
He had seen them whisper and chatter in the hidden corners about his father's misconduct but not one of them had stood up to the man for his fallen wife and abandoned son.  
  
Not one had cried true tear at her funeral or offered true comfort for the lost-looking boy, who had sobbed for the last time at his mother's passing.  
  
Not one had missed or remembered her.  
  
Except for him.  
  
They had all abandoned him for the newer, more exciting rumor.  
  
Fawning over the brat and exchanging niceties with wench his father had replaced her with.  
  
They pinched and admired the new little boy, and had come like obedient lap dogs of society to their wedding so soon after their "friend's" funeral.  
  
Not one had told him that they honestly missed her.  
  
He was left alone, the only one still respecting the memory of an amazing woman they had all claimed to love.  
  
The only one to still want to remember..  
  
* * * * * * * * End Flashback  
  
'...Just like the rest of them.' Inuyasha sighed and grabbed the picture he still couldn't seem to be able to force himself to take off his nightstand, after all this time.  
  
A smiling Kagome sat on a tree branch with his arm around her shoulders, both looking unnaturally happy, well for him anyway.  
  
'I'm sorry, Kagome. I never meant to lie to you. I meant what I said at the time, but...  
  
but how could I just leave Kikyou like that..  
  
* * * * * * * Flash Back * * * * * * * * *  
  
The inky waves of night were slowly taking over the town as a boy of perhaps fifteen ran along the dark alleyways, taking every shortcut he could think of, his every movement filled with urgency and driven by fear.  
  
Making a sharp turn onto a quiet suburban area, he raced towards a certain quaint home, completely undistinguishable from the others in the neighborhood, save for the ivy creeping along its sides, quite unusual in modern Japan.  
  
The house appears to be completely abandoned, dark and uninhabited, lacking the warmth and activity it would take to make it a home.  
  
Disbelieving, Inuyasha races past the "for sale" sign planted in the immaculate yard to the heavy wooden door, desperately banging on it.  
  
"Open up! Somebody better fucking let me in before I break this fucking door!!  
  
Kikyou, where the fuck are you!!!  
  
KIKYOU!!"  
  
After ten more minutes of fruitless shouting and finally accepting the truth, he slumped against the door, his head leaning against the cool wooden of the door, his normally purple eyes amethyst eyes almost black in their intensity.  
  
The stray locks of black hair escaping from his normal ponytail, as he body tensed from anger and frustration, only to relax in bone-weary defeat.  
  
"No..  
  
Kikyou..."  
  
he whispered, a crumpled piece of paper floating to the ground from his once tightly clenched fist .  
  
The lavender colored paper softly floated to the ground with two words delicately scrawled onto it in a rushed, but elegant hand.  
  
Sayonara, koishii  
  
* * * * * * *End Flash Back* * * * * * *  
  
'I guess in the end both of you left me...  
  
at least once...  
  
Would you come back to me too, Kagome? Hell, do I even want you to come back to me?  
  
I made my choice already. I'm with Kikyou now..  
  
right?"  
  
(^-^)(^-^)(^-^)(^-^)(^-^)(^-^)  
  
A/N: Ugh, worked for the past three days on it straight. 21 PAGES LONG!  
  
I have spring break now so expect another update the end of this week. YAY! I love break! I finally had time and energy to update!  
  
I;ve been getting a lot of reviews asking to be emailed when I update. Just email me and I will put ur email address on my mailing list!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to all the loyal reviewers and readers that just didn't have the time to review that waited so long for it. And in particular to a very nice reviewer who I drove to begging and went to all the trouble of emailing me. U set my but in gear.  
  
ON a brighter note::  
  
WOOOHOOOO!!! Not only did I hit 300 reviews YAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Trust me I read all of them, I just haven't had a chance to post review responses yet, which I will be doing tom.  
  
I also won second place in the Single Spark's annual Award for Best Angst! YAY!!  
  
Oh, and to those who were wondering btw stands for by the way.  
  
And I tried to cut down on the A/N this chapter. 


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